ChestNuts

I just finished watching Joey Chestnut take down Kobayashi for the second time (TiVo, not Joey’s second time winning) and I’ve come to the following five conclusions:

1. The best part of the broadcast is the introductions and hearing all the different championships the competitors have acquired over the years. Matzah balls, fried asparagus, soft tacos, cheesecake, lobster, pulled pork – it’s all great. Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas seems to have the most impressive resume, it seems like she should be ranked pretty high.

2. The announcing is fantastic. The announcers shamelessly call Joey Chestnut a true American hero over and over again. During the broadcast, competitors were compared to Abraham Lincoln, Nicky Hilton, Stephon Marbury, Neil Armstrong, Willis Reed, Magnum P.I., and Eddy Curry. I love it all.

3. The yearly “let’s make Coney Island not seem like a piece of shit” filler segment. They’ve been talking about the urban renewal of Coney Island for a decade, and this morning, they showed the group of people that are somewhat opposed to renovation. These people: circus freaks. It was difficult to peg exactly what point they were actually making, but anytime the wolfman makes it to ESPN, I’m fine with it.

4. I always enjoy the fat guys that never stand a chance because their fat prevents their stomachs from expanding enough to compete. One guy, who appeared to be Matt Pinfield in no disguise, looked rattled only about five minutes in. My favorites from the past are still Eric “Badlands” Booker and Ed “Cookie” Jarvis, and yes, I realize how sad it is that I know these names.

5. I got to see, for the first time (at least on ESPN), slow-mo pseduo-vomiting. Kobayashi struggled at the end and we all got to see a replay of his “reversal.” This probably won’t be seen again in sports until, and I’m guessing here, some sort of Charlie Weis situation goes down.

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