Archive for the ‘Baseball’ category


May 31, 2008

• I’ve been back for a couple weeks almost.
Iron Man is really good, Indiana Jones slightly above average.
• I still have more pictures to post on Foul Balls.
Dave has done a fairly outstanding job of cleansing himself.
• My job wasn’t too shabby either.
• The Dodgers are allergic to scoring runs.
• My turkey chili is bomb-ass.
• The fantasy squad (Tepid Weiners) is rolling hardcore.
• The Lakers are considerably better than your favorite basketball team.
• I’m about to eat brunch at some fancy place.
• I like some of the new Weezer songs.
• I had a great dinner of Indian food last night. Keema Aloo!
O.G. is moving to Chicago. There goes my Indonesian demographic.
• Omaha in two weeks.
• We need to go back to the island! *mind blown

The above was another emo post.

Foul Balls

May 5, 2008

Hello. A quick announcement – tomorrow I leave for Virginia to help Charlottesville’s Most Trusted Sports Anchor move out of his apartment and drive back across the country (slowly) in a Penske moving truck. We’re stopping along the way at various major (and possibly minor) league ballparks and filming the whole thing.

(Also stopping along the way to film an piece)

Anyway, we’ll be trying to update daily (I know, not exactly my strongest suit) with blogs, videos, and photos from the road. I’m not exactly sure how corporate or non-corporate it will be, but at this point, it appears we won’t hold much back. I will promise this: there will be minimal taint…at most.

This will all be appearing at Get it? See? Hilarity has already ensued.

Basically, it’ll be Dave (his name!) and I bored on the road, doing poor cannonballs in hotel pools, eating terribly, taking years off of our respective lives via food intake, and trying to get on TV at baseball games. I can’t imagine that anybody that reads this out of anything but boredom, so it’ll be right up your collective alleys. All 14 of you.

Anyway, if you feel so inclined, tell your friends, cousins, and possibly-bipolar neighbors.

(because it has both baseball terminology and an allusion to smelly testicles right there in the title!!)


Bull Rush in Abril

April 3, 2008

Ok, I’m here. I’m alive, although I’m not sure anybody equated my death with my lack of posting. If so, you should now be feeling an overwhelming sense of relief.

• Last night I went to the Dodger game with Big Daddy Eisner and BDE’s parents, who gainfully employed me during high school. If by some chance, you’re a casual reader of this blog and need BBQ Catering in the Greater Los Angeles Area, please do go with Rosie’s BBQ. We sat in the orange (second level), which proved to be pretty good. The seats were under the overhang, but still in prime foul ball territory, which always makes things exciting, although BDE and I slightly disagree on catching technique. He opts for catching like an egg, where as I’m of the belief that you should cradle it into the body, rib injury be damned. The game sucked, it was cold, and I made myself even colder by eating an ice cream sandwich in the later innings. Also, I think Scott owes me money for parking. (I will, however, accept BBQ food in the place of money.)

• I did a video with college wrestling fans and participants a couple of weeks ago for SI. You’ve probably already made up your mind about whether this interests you, but it’s up on the new version of my site at SI Tour Guy. Hopefully in the coming months, the SI player will be upgraded so that everybody can watch videos on the site that wants to, with no problems.

• I’ve been running more and more and my body seems to be holding up. I attribute this to my listening to the Tony Kornheiser Show on the ol’ Shuffle. Nothing gets you jacked up to keep pushing yourself like a cranky guy pushing 60 who endlessly complains. Good stuff.

• There’s a Sharky’s five minutes from me that is outstanding, save for their horrible, semi-paved parking lot.

• The Ducks just opened spring practice. I did my best to explain the issues being addressed to Yackie, and I must say, she did a fairly good job of following along. What I’ve done to her may now be more clearly defined as a “near-thorough brainwashing.”

• Frozen custard in St. Louis is excellent. After getting lost (in what must be the most abandoned major city in the country), Sully and I made it to Ted Drewes, where around 60 people were eating frozen custard in 40 degree weather. The other highlight was going into North St. Louis (not East) and getting the best ribs I’ve ever eaten. Were we the only two white people in the neighborhood? Almost. Was it as bad as it was described to us? Not so much.

The best thing was returning the car immediately after eating those ribs and having the Avis employees completely flip out at how great the rib smell was as soon as we opened the door. Good folk in the StL.

• I’ve been watching season one of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job (actual title), the 12 minute sketch show on Adult Swim, and it’s pretty funny. It gets a little odd sometimes, but well worth one’s time (if he or she were to have too much of it). Friend of the blog Esa (Garbage blog, see right) recommended Frisky Dingo, also on Adult Swim. I’ve watched four episodes (12 min), also pretty funny. See, this is why I’ve been running so much, I either do nothing or kill myself doing something, I’m strange. is the best thing ever to help you do nothing. I’ve been watching Arrested Development episodes that I’ve already seen, nonstop.

“You mean he can’t even grow his own hair? C’mon!”

Oregon basketball is not so good. Next year, the team will be completely different, let’s hope Big Ern gets some new assistants, as well. Luckily, Big Mike Dunigan (incoming 5* center) won’t have to deal with those pesky Brothers Lopez. God was this year awful to watch.

• I think I’m going to start doing some new web stuff in the near future, all this time is ridiculous. Stay tuned. Or don’t. Whatever, it’s coo.

• Old friend Sam is moving to London. I ate steaks with him and other people from the Cbas last weekend. Ray Romano was there, but he seemed to want to eat with other people and not recognize that Sam was leaving. Sucker.

We went up to Sam’s office at Google around the corner, where I got way too excited about free candy and played Rock Band for the first time. I killed it on lead vox during Fall Out Boy and The Killers. EPIC.

• Yackie framed my two magazine appearances with the covers of the respective issues they appear in. The thought is great, but I now am constantly distracted by a Playboy cover in front of me with a giant painted ass. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or not.

• Just so you know, navel oranges are for sure in season.

This is getting long. That’s what she said.


Thoisday Bullets

December 6, 2007


And thus, the bullets are back.

• I played tennis with my dad yesterday, and despite playing generally mistake free tennis and up 3-0, I hurt my back/lower neck when running and lunging for an easy approach shot (which still went for a winner). The next point, I was able to serve it (with pain) and immediately called the match in a fashion that, in retrospect, was probably a little overdramatic. I’ve been pumping myself full of meds, Yackie was even kind enough to set up a heating pad for me. Bottom line: this kind of thing happens to elite athletes performing at a premiere level. I’m listed as day to day, but I advise you to leave me on your fantasy bench for the time being, just for precautionary reasons.

• I haven’t shaved since the Michigan episode out of solidarity for the Oregon football cause. As soon as they win, I’ll shed what’s quickly becoming a respectable beard, despite the expected itchiness period. Hopefully they beat South Florida in the Sun Bowl, because if not, I may have a realistic shot at becoming the singer for System of a Down next September.

30 Rock is still the funniest show on TV right now and nobody is more surprised at that fact and that I’m admitting to it than me.

Kobe Bryant is good at basketball. He completely took over during the last couple minutes last night at Denver. I’d be lying if I said that didn’t remind me of a young Dan Rubenstein dominating the Woodland Hills Park leagues circa the early to mid-90s with his ability to go left and make things happen in traffic. Represent.

• I have no idea how I feel about the Dodgers signing Andruw Jones. He could be a disaster and hit .229 or be the bat the Dodgers desperately need. His HR numbers will probably be down again, especially playing at Dodger Stadium, but he still should be at least an improvement in the power department. I don’t care enough about baseball right now to formulate an opinion yet.

• I haven’t really been to too many movies to recommend or trash anything, although Yackie and I did get cheap and start going to a couple of free screenings. We actually only went to see Apatow movies, but both were really good, if not in pretty rough stages of post-production. Forgetting Sarah Marshall was Jason Segal getting dumped and moping (again) in Hawaii, with Kristen Bell in a bikini for most of it as the girl who dumps him and tortures him with her new boyfriend at the same resort. The Pineapple Express is a great stoner/action movie written by and starring Seth Rogen, alongside James Franco. Probably the next Half-Baked, but I’ll probably be wrong, who knows.

• My neck still hurts.

• I’ve been lame in listening to music, I generally just listen to Stern now. The music I have been at least repeating a lot (although not quite to the level of the Corndog loops) has been Spoon, Wilco, Steel Train, and the new album from The Boss.

• Immediately after I finish writing this, I’m going to finish editing the season two reel of The College Football Tour Guy (Guide). I’m not sure yet where it’ll be posted, but it’ll be somewhere so you can relive what I think is the best few minutes of the season all in one place.

• I saw Wicked with Yackie Tuesday night (pre-neck injury) and it wasn’t terrible. The highlight was probably dinner beforehand at Dan Tana’s when we got to sit at a booth next to what appeared to be a belligerent alcoholic threatening the manager and his wife for no apparent reason. Then, some sort of a work associate came in and sat at the booth on the other side of us, which prompted him to go over there and yell at some other guy about how some boss embarrassed him more than he’s ever been in his life, which must be saying something. I don’t remember specifics, but the phrase, “No, you fucking listen to ME!!” was shouted a few times. It was almost funny how awkward the room became. Oh well, the chicken parm was good.

• I’m intrigued by Oregon basketball so far. I wish they hadn’t lost, but Saint Mary’s is now #26 in the country and has some sort of freshman wizard Australian point guard named Patrick Mills. Somehow, though, Oregon beat Kansas State in Manhattan, KS and dropped a couple spots in the rankings. Hm.

Quickly, here’s how the team looks to break down: Joevan Catron is fearless, lost some weight and has a great soft touch around the rim. He just needs to stay out of foul trouble. Bryce and Maarty should provide the most consistency slashing (in Bryce’s case) and playing inside-out (in Maarty’s). Malik still has the ability to take over a game with his all-around abilities, but still manages to take himself out of games with an occasional lack of involvment. TP still seems like he’ll go on another crazy streak and probably has the fastest first step in the conference. Kam Brown looks like a solid contributor capable of both scoring and leading the offense. I, along with what appears to be every Duck fan, feel that the less Mitch Platt the better. Lekendric Longmire seems alright off the bench as an off guard. I really like saying, “Lekendric Longmire.”

• T-minus about 28-ish days until my first real cheesesteak. I can only assume the number of pictures that will document this historic event will be nothing short of creepy.

Thassit. 965 words of unadulterated brilliance. You’re welcome.

Lo Siento (y muchos bullet points)

September 27, 2007

I’m a terrible person, there’s no better way of explaining my lack of motivation to post here. A lot has transpired over the past few weeks, but I’ll do my best to outline it in a super-mega-extended barrage of bullet points. Sexy!

• I will be producing The College Football Tour Guide for Sports Illustrated at and The name of the segment has been changed to The College Football Tour Guy (I suspect because of legal reasons), but it really doesn’t matter all that much. I have to bleep out profanity, but in all honesty, I’m one of the biggest fans of bleeped profanity out there. Arrested Development is funnier because of it, and if I can be 1/56,934,524,594,325,237th as funny as Arrested Development, than I’m succeeding. I’ve done four episodes so far and I’m doing 12 in 12 weeks. This year is national, so there’s much more traveling involved, but also much more food and crazy people, which I see as a positive thing. Palo Alto and Tucson are fine, but Athens, GA and Lincoln, NE have been completely insane. I must pace myself. Here are some quick sub-bullets:

• Week One: I went to Athens, GA and hired my buddy Esa to be my cameraman at the Georgia game. It was fun because we had both never been to a southern football game. Plus, he’s Iranian, so there was the off chance that we would be faced with some sort of racism, which is always a blast. Unfortunately, everybody in Georgia was ridiculously pleasant and accepting, and we were met with zero controversy. We were met with gaggles of good looking southern girls. I won’t mention any names, but there will be at least 17 babies born in May 2008 with a Persian baby daddy. Just saying.

• Week Two: Penn State was week two. Driving through central Pennsylvania is the worst possible way to spend a little over three hours. It’s depressing, full of construction, the skies are gray, and there are detours everywhere. Please, if you’re looking for an exciting way to spend a Saturday, do anything else. State College, PA isn’t all that exciting, but it looks to be a little better than the rest of the state. Penn State fans are pretty out of control, but in a less than exciting way. There were plenty of great fans, but they were easily my least favorite group so far. Sorry.

• Week Three: Nebraska. The drive from Omaha/Carter Lake, Iowa (an Omaha Airport Hotel is in Iowa, insane) is uneventful. I went with Yosh Jackman, who shot the ASU episode with me last year. He proved to be good luck again, as somehow we bumped into a Playboy Playmate. I tried to seduce her via uncomfortable snorts and below-average flirtatious questioning, but I got nowhere beyond a business card with a general Playboy office phone number. Yosh’s luck was better, as he gave her multiple orgasms in the middle of that tailgate. Ok, I made that up. Or did I?

• Week Four: This past week was Baton Rouge for LSU, and I was expecting it to be the best week of the season, but it was a day game and people didn’t really seem to care because the Tigers were playing South Carolina. The people were great, I ate extremely well, but it was a little disappointing, mainly because it was just a day game nobody cared about. There was a tropical storm that hit that almost washed us away after we were done shooting. Luckily, we hid under a tree until Yackie informed us that that’s where lightening strikes. We’re not very bright, and by “we,” I mean multi-episode cameraman Casey D. Oh yea, and there’s no reason to ever go to Baton Rouge other to see an LSU football game or eat pistachios and pear bread (fantastic) at Casey’s extended family’s house.

So that’s that so far. The episodes and SI blogs are all linked up if you go to The College Football Tour Guide site.

Ok, enough self-promotion. The new TV season is underway, here’s what I’ve noticed.

Reaper on the CW is really good. I don’t know how good the rest of the episodes will be without Kevin Smith directing, but I suspect there will be little to no drop-off. I recommend this show.

• I never watched the Hell’s Kitchen show on Fox, but Gordon Ramsay’s new show Kitchen Nightmares (Fox) is really, really good. I’m in, at least for the time being.

• I haven’t given Chuck or Bionic Woman a shot, they have wait and see status with me, sort of like with Heroes last year. For what it’s worth, I’m positive that the Grey’s Anatomy spin-off will faily

The Big Bang Theory on CBS is an above-average traditional four-camera sitcom. The writing was pretty crisp, but it could easily be a one-joke show about nerdy scientists and good-looking girls. We’ll see. So far, I’m in.

• The premiere of Heroes was pretty good, although I hope Takei lives. He’s Takei, man, Takei!

The Office premieres tonight with an hour-long episode, that’s the first of four hour long episodes to open up the season. I’m, needless to say, very excited. Sully, meanwhile, will probably bring physical harm to anybody that tries to disturb him tonight between 9-10 pm, and frankly, it’s completely warranted. Also, Jenna Fischer, who plays Pam, has separated from her husband. All I’m saying is that Yackie should be on higher notice than she already is with me parading around SEC tailgates.

• If you watch Grey’s Anatomy, you’re probably not my friend. Although, you’re probably my girlfriend. Funny how that works.

The Hills is A+ this season. It’s clearly all fake and a set up, but it’s too entertaining for me to care. I’m actively hoping for something disastrous to happen to Heidi and Spencer, so clearly the show has me right where they want me.

Weeds is good, although it’s sort of all over the place. I’m still invested.

Curb has been average so far, but that’s still better than pretty much everything other than The Office. The first three episodes have been uneven and forced – every plot point doesn’t really flow, and you already start thinking about how it’ll come back. The past few seasons have brought back these plot points seamlessly, while it’s been choppy this year. I’m sure it’ll get better, I’m just picky.

• I tried to watch Tell Me You Love Me, but got bored and just fast-forwarded to the sex scenes. I’m not a big scrotum fan, so I’ve decided to pass on this scrote-fest.

Moving on…

• When the power went out in LA a few weeks ago, I had to move my whole computer set-up to Yackie’s and when I brought it back, my main external hard drive with all my pictures and music fried. Fry’s couldn’t do anything and I don’t want to send it out for like $900 worth of repairs, so I’m sans a lot of music and memories. For instance, will I ever find a set of pictures of a topless, drunk Corndog wielding a copy of the Showgirls DVD? We may never know. Shame.

• I want an iPhone. It’s actually somewhat defensible considering all the traveling I’m now doing. It’s also defensible because it’s totally awesome.

• I want to move.

• I got new sunglasses and they’re still intact. Hooray.

• I want to boogie board. Badly.

• The Dodgers are terrible, I don’t want to talk about it.

(James Loney, 2008 NL MVP)

And, lastly, the Ducks:

• I love Oregon Ducks football. You can say that they’re setting themselves up for a freefall that has become somewhat typical, but I say, in by best Lee Corso accent, “Not so fast!” I also say, in my best Lou Holtz accent, “I still say Notre Dame can win the national championship, and possibly even the Super Bowl.” Actually, if Lou Holtz said it, it would probably just sound like, “Thhhbbbbbbbttttttttt Charlie Weithhhhhhbbbbtttttt.”

Anyway, watching this Oregon team is easily the most fun I’m having this fall, which may actually say more about how pathetic I may be than how good this team is. The shelled Michigan, beat everyone else beyond any doubt, and will destroy a hobbled Cal team this weekend. The Duck defense is suspect, but they’re absolutely trampling people.*

*So long as they don’t start dropping the ball.

Oregon 48 Cal 24.

That’s all for now, I can’t guarantee much, but I’ll update more frequently from now on than my disastrous September showing.


June 26, 2007

I have a headache, so this post is being brought to you with a healthy dose of adversity, perseverance, and dare I say, heroism.

• My initial idea four minutes ago was to live blog the Shaq weight loss show. The opening sequence previewing the show looked too good to pass up, but after watching the first couple minutes, I realized that I’d probably be too big of a dick to make fun of overweight kids. It even came as a shock to me that I have a line.

Anyway, at some point in the show, Tyler Florence makes an appearance, which I’m sure is in good intentions, but it’s tough to get over the fact that he’s the milf hunter (Food 911) and gigantic sell-out (Applebee’s). For what it’s worth, His contribution in the opening sequence was comparing fast food to prison food. Uh.

It’s too easy to make fun of Shaq, on account of him showing up overweight to almost every training camp he attended as a Laker (and this past year in Miami), so I’ll abstain.

James Loney could single-handedly make the Dodgers enjoyable to watch this summer. Not even a couple hours ago, he hit a baseball that cleared the outfield fence. This act looked vaguely familiar, but nothing I’m at all used to seeing this year. I’ve never purchased one of those overpriced Dodgers jersey t-shirts, but I’m as close as I’ll ever be with Loney. Woo.

Sully moved away to Redondo Beach because he says it will be an easier commute for his work. Personally, it sounds like an excuse. Some popular theories that have been floating around on some underground blogs include:

1. He needed to be reasonably far from where I was recognized (with him in tow) in the local Ralph’s.
2. He couldn’t handle the everyday rigors of living with somebody as recognizable and socially important as myself.
3. His unorthodox meals of raw oats and applesauce are looked down upon by the more civilized members of society. Redondo Beach is far less evolved.
4. THe positions and locations of him inexplicably passing out made his roomates and neighbors increasingly uncomfortable (see above).
5. He killed a guy here and needed to lay low. They’d never find him in Redondo, due to the rampant lawlessness and chaos. (most popular theory)

• I got suckered into watching My Life on the D-List, the Kathy Griffin reality show on Bravo where she repeatedly tries to top how much she can shamelessly promote herself. Some say she and I have a lot in common, but they’d be wrong. Sully.

Anyway, it’s essentially an hour of her trying to get into Us Weekly, trying to put herself into situations where she’s around famous people, and then telling stories in her act about how horrible famous people are. It’s a completely dishonorable way to make a living, but whatever, it’s entertaining.

• I watched Sicko. The message was unquestionably important, but certain facts were sort of glossed over and ignored. B+.

Lasorda’s Lesbos entered their second week at their rightful place atop the fantasy baseball standings. My situation is not unlike the events at the end of The Lion King.

• The Lakers might get KG. If it happens, start saving now for Laker tickets!

• The Oregon basketball DVD is disappointing. It’s almost as if Joe Giansante was waiting for an implosion that never happened so he wouldn’t have to make the DVD. It seems thrown together and organized. I’ve never heen a huge fan of blurry, zoomed-in TV coverage to escape paying for the rights.

Yackie got bombed at her own graduation party. She didn’t really embarrass herself, but she didn’t really not embarrass herself either, if that makes sense.

• I literally just received this email message: “ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER would like to be added to your MySpace friends list.” Hmm, seems a bit off.

Time to Advil up.

Scandinavia Knows How to Party

June 4, 2007

• So there’s one more episode of Sopranos left. The last 35 minutes of last night’s episode was downright nerve-wracking. They won’t possibly be able to tie up every loose end and open-ended plot line in 65 minutes next week, but I’m sure it’ll still be infinitely better than anything that’s ever happened on Bones or Medium. I’m too hung up on how much better Sopranos is, rather than how good it is, if that makes sense. By the way. the scene where all the strippers and bouncers come running out of the Bing naked was great, and I say that speaking beyond the nudity, although that doesn’t hurt.

Entourage loses me a little every week. It’s as if they know this and specifically named a new character (played by Adam Goldberg) Rubenstein, just to make me happy. So far, I’m on board, but soon I’ll need a Dan Rubenstein to stay fully committed.

• I make good turkey tacos. The key is using the thinnest shredded cheese possible and La Victoria Hot Taco Sauce. I’m pretty easy.

• Ernie Kent will be signing copies of the Oregon Basketball 2006-07 DVDs at the UO Bookstore this week. I don’t know if he’s personalizing them or not (my guess is no), but if he is, I want somebody to get me one that says, “Moooove, Dan, moooove. – Ernie Kent”

• I just looked down at my fingernails and thought I may have unconsiously murdered somebody, as they appeared to be bloody. Good thing I realized that it was just La Victoria Hot Taco Sauce.

Knocked Up gets a solid A from me. Tons of Freaks and Geeks and Undeclared supporting cast, Seth Rogen is great, Heigl held her own, and their was even a fantasy baseball scene. I wish I had a personalized ratings system for a movie like this. Ok, fine, I will. I give it 4.5 out of 5 Rubies. I’ve got to figure out what a Ruby looks like so I can create a visual for my rating system, but just know Knocked Up is great and you’ll get more value out of your $11 than if you went and saw Shrek or Johnny Depp.

• The new Patton Oswalt cd is still really good. It opens with a frank discussion of the KFC Famous Bowls, which somehow were considered to be famous just as they were released. I’m starting my own campaign for restaurants to prove the fame of menu items. Times will change under my watch.

• I went to Manhattan Beach on Saturday night to attend a party that coincided with the week of Sully‘s birthday (although I would not call it his birthday party). I drank most of a cup of what tasted like sweetened Drain-O and stood around uncomfortably as familiar Calabasas faces loomed nearby. I almost saw Oliver “Don’t Call me Squanto” Gunanto but left before he arrived. Yes, I gave him that nickname, it was a tennis thing.

• I did nearly 41 pushups today and expect to be wiggling my rippling pectorals in no time. That’s right, ladies.

• No word on KtL in Europe. While I was probably overreacting when I guessed that she had taken up with Richard Krajicek, Sully admitted that he’d be less hurt if KtL started a whirlwind romance with Stefan Edberg. I’m not sure why this is, my guess is Sully just has a soft spot for Scandinavian serve and volleyers.

• In a related story, Sully managed to embarass American tennis even more than the professional men did at Roland Garros, which is saying something.

• The Dodgers haven’t hit a home run since 2003. Thankfully, they got rid of Paul Konerko.

• I don’t really go there all that often, but before Knocked Up, Yackie and I went to The Cheesecake Factory and they had apparently removed my go-to sandwich from the menu. Luckily, my spirits were raised when Yackie tore through a slice of cheesecake like she hadn’t eaten since the last Dodger home run.

• Oh yes, back to the Manhattan Beach non-Sully birthday party. After the party cleared out pretty early, we (Sully, Big Daddy Eisner, future Sully roomate Josh, and I) went to some bar/club that was either very close or very far from the party. It was uneventful, save for the girl who did everything short of procreation with a happily cooperative guy on the dance floor. Seriously, it was difficult for any male within 15 feet to concentrate on anything else for a solid 25 minutes. I tried to bust a move in her general area, but she wasn’t having it. My guess is she knew that she wasn’t ready for this jelly.

I don’t know how this sort of thing begins, but I can go as far as guessing that the guy probably didn’t just go up to her and ask if she would mind dancing on him to the point where her uterus was possibly exposed. I heart clubs.

Time to keep pounding the pecs/go to sleep.