Archive for the ‘Big Sully’ category

Lo Siento (y muchos bullet points)

September 27, 2007

I’m a terrible person, there’s no better way of explaining my lack of motivation to post here. A lot has transpired over the past few weeks, but I’ll do my best to outline it in a super-mega-extended barrage of bullet points. Sexy!

• I will be producing The College Football Tour Guide for Sports Illustrated at and The name of the segment has been changed to The College Football Tour Guy (I suspect because of legal reasons), but it really doesn’t matter all that much. I have to bleep out profanity, but in all honesty, I’m one of the biggest fans of bleeped profanity out there. Arrested Development is funnier because of it, and if I can be 1/56,934,524,594,325,237th as funny as Arrested Development, than I’m succeeding. I’ve done four episodes so far and I’m doing 12 in 12 weeks. This year is national, so there’s much more traveling involved, but also much more food and crazy people, which I see as a positive thing. Palo Alto and Tucson are fine, but Athens, GA and Lincoln, NE have been completely insane. I must pace myself. Here are some quick sub-bullets:

• Week One: I went to Athens, GA and hired my buddy Esa to be my cameraman at the Georgia game. It was fun because we had both never been to a southern football game. Plus, he’s Iranian, so there was the off chance that we would be faced with some sort of racism, which is always a blast. Unfortunately, everybody in Georgia was ridiculously pleasant and accepting, and we were met with zero controversy. We were met with gaggles of good looking southern girls. I won’t mention any names, but there will be at least 17 babies born in May 2008 with a Persian baby daddy. Just saying.

• Week Two: Penn State was week two. Driving through central Pennsylvania is the worst possible way to spend a little over three hours. It’s depressing, full of construction, the skies are gray, and there are detours everywhere. Please, if you’re looking for an exciting way to spend a Saturday, do anything else. State College, PA isn’t all that exciting, but it looks to be a little better than the rest of the state. Penn State fans are pretty out of control, but in a less than exciting way. There were plenty of great fans, but they were easily my least favorite group so far. Sorry.

• Week Three: Nebraska. The drive from Omaha/Carter Lake, Iowa (an Omaha Airport Hotel is in Iowa, insane) is uneventful. I went with Yosh Jackman, who shot the ASU episode with me last year. He proved to be good luck again, as somehow we bumped into a Playboy Playmate. I tried to seduce her via uncomfortable snorts and below-average flirtatious questioning, but I got nowhere beyond a business card with a general Playboy office phone number. Yosh’s luck was better, as he gave her multiple orgasms in the middle of that tailgate. Ok, I made that up. Or did I?

• Week Four: This past week was Baton Rouge for LSU, and I was expecting it to be the best week of the season, but it was a day game and people didn’t really seem to care because the Tigers were playing South Carolina. The people were great, I ate extremely well, but it was a little disappointing, mainly because it was just a day game nobody cared about. There was a tropical storm that hit that almost washed us away after we were done shooting. Luckily, we hid under a tree until Yackie informed us that that’s where lightening strikes. We’re not very bright, and by “we,” I mean multi-episode cameraman Casey D. Oh yea, and there’s no reason to ever go to Baton Rouge other to see an LSU football game or eat pistachios and pear bread (fantastic) at Casey’s extended family’s house.

So that’s that so far. The episodes and SI blogs are all linked up if you go to The College Football Tour Guide site.

Ok, enough self-promotion. The new TV season is underway, here’s what I’ve noticed.

Reaper on the CW is really good. I don’t know how good the rest of the episodes will be without Kevin Smith directing, but I suspect there will be little to no drop-off. I recommend this show.

• I never watched the Hell’s Kitchen show on Fox, but Gordon Ramsay’s new show Kitchen Nightmares (Fox) is really, really good. I’m in, at least for the time being.

• I haven’t given Chuck or Bionic Woman a shot, they have wait and see status with me, sort of like with Heroes last year. For what it’s worth, I’m positive that the Grey’s Anatomy spin-off will faily

The Big Bang Theory on CBS is an above-average traditional four-camera sitcom. The writing was pretty crisp, but it could easily be a one-joke show about nerdy scientists and good-looking girls. We’ll see. So far, I’m in.

• The premiere of Heroes was pretty good, although I hope Takei lives. He’s Takei, man, Takei!

The Office premieres tonight with an hour-long episode, that’s the first of four hour long episodes to open up the season. I’m, needless to say, very excited. Sully, meanwhile, will probably bring physical harm to anybody that tries to disturb him tonight between 9-10 pm, and frankly, it’s completely warranted. Also, Jenna Fischer, who plays Pam, has separated from her husband. All I’m saying is that Yackie should be on higher notice than she already is with me parading around SEC tailgates.

• If you watch Grey’s Anatomy, you’re probably not my friend. Although, you’re probably my girlfriend. Funny how that works.

The Hills is A+ this season. It’s clearly all fake and a set up, but it’s too entertaining for me to care. I’m actively hoping for something disastrous to happen to Heidi and Spencer, so clearly the show has me right where they want me.

Weeds is good, although it’s sort of all over the place. I’m still invested.

Curb has been average so far, but that’s still better than pretty much everything other than The Office. The first three episodes have been uneven and forced – every plot point doesn’t really flow, and you already start thinking about how it’ll come back. The past few seasons have brought back these plot points seamlessly, while it’s been choppy this year. I’m sure it’ll get better, I’m just picky.

• I tried to watch Tell Me You Love Me, but got bored and just fast-forwarded to the sex scenes. I’m not a big scrotum fan, so I’ve decided to pass on this scrote-fest.

Moving on…

• When the power went out in LA a few weeks ago, I had to move my whole computer set-up to Yackie’s and when I brought it back, my main external hard drive with all my pictures and music fried. Fry’s couldn’t do anything and I don’t want to send it out for like $900 worth of repairs, so I’m sans a lot of music and memories. For instance, will I ever find a set of pictures of a topless, drunk Corndog wielding a copy of the Showgirls DVD? We may never know. Shame.

• I want an iPhone. It’s actually somewhat defensible considering all the traveling I’m now doing. It’s also defensible because it’s totally awesome.

• I want to move.

• I got new sunglasses and they’re still intact. Hooray.

• I want to boogie board. Badly.

• The Dodgers are terrible, I don’t want to talk about it.

(James Loney, 2008 NL MVP)

And, lastly, the Ducks:

• I love Oregon Ducks football. You can say that they’re setting themselves up for a freefall that has become somewhat typical, but I say, in by best Lee Corso accent, “Not so fast!” I also say, in my best Lou Holtz accent, “I still say Notre Dame can win the national championship, and possibly even the Super Bowl.” Actually, if Lou Holtz said it, it would probably just sound like, “Thhhbbbbbbbttttttttt Charlie Weithhhhhhbbbbtttttt.”

Anyway, watching this Oregon team is easily the most fun I’m having this fall, which may actually say more about how pathetic I may be than how good this team is. The shelled Michigan, beat everyone else beyond any doubt, and will destroy a hobbled Cal team this weekend. The Duck defense is suspect, but they’re absolutely trampling people.*

*So long as they don’t start dropping the ball.

Oregon 48 Cal 24.

That’s all for now, I can’t guarantee much, but I’ll update more frequently from now on than my disastrous September showing.


Schweaty Balls

June 13, 2007

Hello, I haven’t posted since last week, and now I’m posting. You probably already knew this by the picture above that isn’t Edward James Olmos (but really, shouldn’t every blog picture be EJO?).

• I actually liked the end of The Sopranos, I downloaded the episode (and by this, I mean I pay full price for HBO each month because that’s the legal thing to do) and figured I got a bad copy, just like everyone else thought their cable or satellite went out. I agree with the school of thought that that last season was the viewer really seeing the world through Tony’s eyes and the quick jump to black was Tony getting shot or killed. No time to see, hear, or react to the gunshot, from wherever it came. David Chase always sort of controlled everything and I liked that he controlled the point of view and the tension in that last scene. A lot of people were upset because they invested so much time and wanted absolutely closure on Tony and the rest of la famiglia, but that’s sort of just wanting an ordinary ending for an extraordinary show. And yes, I’m totally a pretentious schmo about this.

• I really have tried to watch the NBA Finals – The Spurs are unquestionably great, but there are just too many other things to do in life that seem more interesting. High atop that list: blog about how boring watching the NBA finals is.

• I played kickball today with Yackie’s 5th grade class. It was teachers vs students – I’m neither – but the teachers were having a hard time in the field, as it was two guys (able to field) and eight women with the identical defensive skillset that can be most easily classified as “not able to catch, throw, or stop a squarely kicked handball.” I covered shortstop and immediately put the fifth grade class on notice. They only vaguely knew who I was, but I had range baby, I had range.

The only mistake I made was putting on sandals this morning, not expecting to be anything other than a spectator. This wasn’t too much of a problem until my tractionless Rainbow sandals (not produced in Rainbow, CA, but in San Clemente, CA) slipped on me and I fell under a towering pop-up at the last second, allowing the handball to bounce off of my head and let the kicker easily jog into second. Other than that, I could be counted on. Oh, the students won, mainly due to a highly-questionable score keeping job by two gymnast twins. It doesn’t matter, though, because I showed my kickball range was like woah today. Yeah, woah.

• It’s hotter than balls today.

• I’m going to the Playboy Yazz Festival with Yackie on Sunday. We’re still trying to narrow down the picnic possibilities. Most people just decide on something, we’ve got spreadsheets, cross-referencing databases and powerpoint presentations ready to go to figure this out. Our priorities are clearly in place.

Larry David and his quasi-militant wife are no longer together. I can’t even imagine how souped-up her new Prius is gonna be with all that Seinfeld syndication money she earned.

• Speaking of which, the Seinfeld where George watches a Nova special on heart attacks and then convinces himself that he’s having a heart attack the day after is so great. The same thing happened to be me, except I was 11 and 80 pounds.

Sully went up to the Eug last week to watch track and field and not eat Newman’s. It was the exact opposite of my two weekends in Eugene since graduating.

Big Daddy Eisner‘s status as a friend of the blog is in question. So far, his possible replacements include Sully’s brother (Big Sully), Yosh Jackman, and Tom Selleck. We shall see in the coming days.

Kris “Diddy” Danielson writes some of the best emails of anybody I know. I can always count on emails that reference both iMovie and handjobs in the same thought, and no, he’s isn’t editing amateur porn for a living.

My toe hurts, probably from this morning’s kickball embarrassment. Good day.