Archive for the ‘Sopranos’ category

Scandinavia Knows How to Party

June 4, 2007

• So there’s one more episode of Sopranos left. The last 35 minutes of last night’s episode was downright nerve-wracking. They won’t possibly be able to tie up every loose end and open-ended plot line in 65 minutes next week, but I’m sure it’ll still be infinitely better than anything that’s ever happened on Bones or Medium. I’m too hung up on how much better Sopranos is, rather than how good it is, if that makes sense. By the way. the scene where all the strippers and bouncers come running out of the Bing naked was great, and I say that speaking beyond the nudity, although that doesn’t hurt.

Entourage loses me a little every week. It’s as if they know this and specifically named a new character (played by Adam Goldberg) Rubenstein, just to make me happy. So far, I’m on board, but soon I’ll need a Dan Rubenstein to stay fully committed.

• I make good turkey tacos. The key is using the thinnest shredded cheese possible and La Victoria Hot Taco Sauce. I’m pretty easy.

• Ernie Kent will be signing copies of the Oregon Basketball 2006-07 DVDs at the UO Bookstore this week. I don’t know if he’s personalizing them or not (my guess is no), but if he is, I want somebody to get me one that says, “Moooove, Dan, moooove. – Ernie Kent”

• I just looked down at my fingernails and thought I may have unconsiously murdered somebody, as they appeared to be bloody. Good thing I realized that it was just La Victoria Hot Taco Sauce.

Knocked Up gets a solid A from me. Tons of Freaks and Geeks and Undeclared supporting cast, Seth Rogen is great, Heigl held her own, and their was even a fantasy baseball scene. I wish I had a personalized ratings system for a movie like this. Ok, fine, I will. I give it 4.5 out of 5 Rubies. I’ve got to figure out what a Ruby looks like so I can create a visual for my rating system, but just know Knocked Up is great and you’ll get more value out of your $11 than if you went and saw Shrek or Johnny Depp.

• The new Patton Oswalt cd is still really good. It opens with a frank discussion of the KFC Famous Bowls, which somehow were considered to be famous just as they were released. I’m starting my own campaign for restaurants to prove the fame of menu items. Times will change under my watch.

• I went to Manhattan Beach on Saturday night to attend a party that coincided with the week of Sully‘s birthday (although I would not call it his birthday party). I drank most of a cup of what tasted like sweetened Drain-O and stood around uncomfortably as familiar Calabasas faces loomed nearby. I almost saw Oliver “Don’t Call me Squanto” Gunanto but left before he arrived. Yes, I gave him that nickname, it was a tennis thing.

• I did nearly 41 pushups today and expect to be wiggling my rippling pectorals in no time. That’s right, ladies.

• No word on KtL in Europe. While I was probably overreacting when I guessed that she had taken up with Richard Krajicek, Sully admitted that he’d be less hurt if KtL started a whirlwind romance with Stefan Edberg. I’m not sure why this is, my guess is Sully just has a soft spot for Scandinavian serve and volleyers.

• In a related story, Sully managed to embarass American tennis even more than the professional men did at Roland Garros, which is saying something.

• The Dodgers haven’t hit a home run since 2003. Thankfully, they got rid of Paul Konerko.

• I don’t really go there all that often, but before Knocked Up, Yackie and I went to The Cheesecake Factory and they had apparently removed my go-to sandwich from the menu. Luckily, my spirits were raised when Yackie tore through a slice of cheesecake like she hadn’t eaten since the last Dodger home run.

• Oh yes, back to the Manhattan Beach non-Sully birthday party. After the party cleared out pretty early, we (Sully, Big Daddy Eisner, future Sully roomate Josh, and I) went to some bar/club that was either very close or very far from the party. It was uneventful, save for the girl who did everything short of procreation with a happily cooperative guy on the dance floor. Seriously, it was difficult for any male within 15 feet to concentrate on anything else for a solid 25 minutes. I tried to bust a move in her general area, but she wasn’t having it. My guess is she knew that she wasn’t ready for this jelly.

I don’t know how this sort of thing begins, but I can go as far as guessing that the guy probably didn’t just go up to her and ask if she would mind dancing on him to the point where her uterus was possibly exposed. I heart clubs.

Time to keep pounding the pecs/go to sleep.

Advertisements

Most Greatest Post of My Life

May 6, 2007

I have been told in no uncertain terms that if I do not update this site today, my legs may be snapped into a number of different pieces. These threats are coming from people I speak to every day and know what is going on in my life in detail far greater than I go into on this site. Whatever.

• By the end of Game 5, I was ready to be done with the Lakers. It was getting ugly to watch the dysfunction on a semi-nightly basis, and frankly, I needed a break. There were too many injuries, varying gameplans, and inconsistencies to make their series at all enjoyable or a cause for immediate optimism. They need many things, but too put it as simply as possible, they need better players. Start there, and work from that point.

This guy is trying to make it to all 119 Div 1-A college football stadiums before he turns 30. He’s 23, I’m not sure where he lives, and he works at a Starbucks. He’s not going to games right now, obviously, but still the stadiums, although I’m assuming he will go to actual games during the fall. It’s like this, but with less of my nipples and more ambition.

• Last night, Sully, Jackie, and I watched Hoosiers for two reasons:

1. Jackie’s never seen it.
2. It’s Hoosiers.

Jackie was on the verge of falling asleep many times, although I think I managed to keep her as upright as possible long enough for her to ask, “Is that Jimmy Chitwood?” roughly 17 times. You heard it here first, all white people look the same.

• Today may or may not have been one of my last) trip to the Hummus Farm (aka the farmer’s market). Nothing’s definite, but since my new found appreciation for all things garbanzo (and chickpea for that matter), my life has ascended to unpredictable heights. I’m a hummus man, through and through. There, I said it. I regret nothing.

• Another recent crippling addiction is The Tony Kornheiser Show. It’s his radio show that airs on (I believe) both Washington Post Radio in DC and XM. They put up a commercial-free podcast of it on iTunes. It’s gotten to the point that I can’t run without it. The show skews older (probably >50), but for some reason, I can’t get enough. Basically, he bitches about The Sopranos, American Idol, animals, old people, young people, middle-aged people, and occasionally, he talks about sports. It’s difficult to explain, but it’s good. I’m probably insane, I don’t know.

• The winner of The Kentucky Derby is apparently illiterate, not that that really has anything to do with whipping a horse and not eating, but now I feel bad for laughing when the (horrible, tacky, uncomfortable to watch) reporter-on-a-horse rode up to him (with that idiotic helmet/broadcast antenna) and started interviewing him immediately following his victory. I laughed when he said it was the “most greatest moment of his life” while fighting back tears. I’m not a great person – this I know – but he’s won 4,000+ races apparently, he’s got to be used to putting words together for the media on some level. You know what, I stand by my laughter. There.

• Looks like Tony Parker found particular inspiration in my demand that somebody beat up a Suns player.

Chickadilla – I’ll say it now, they’re gonna take over the fast food appetizer market. You’ll see.

The Office was great last week, I’m always alright with flashing jokes, a luxurious women’s bathroom, and parts of episodes possibly being filmed at a mall 10 minutes from my apartment.

• The older Russian couple moved out of their apartment next door to us. Sully swears the guy was in the KGB and was the victim of poisoning. I think we can all agree that Sully reads too much CNN.com.

(I did once see him wearing camo-colored Tevas, if that’s any indication.)

Whale Thurmond III ran the hurdles yesterday for Oregon and came in IIIrd.

_End_

Bullet Train

April 25, 2007

• Well then, maybe the Lakers don’t have a shot. Of course if they win tomorrow, I’ll probably start all over again in my ridiculous claims that the Lakers have a shot. I’m clearly insane and delusional.

• The Dodgers are now tied (after losing two in a row) for the best record in baseball. Jason Schmidt looks (so far anyway) to be a terrible signing and Randy Wolf seems to be a brilliant one. Big Daddy Eisner, with his cryptic ties to the West Hills Baseball underground, probably could’ve told you this all along.

• Speaking of which, if you happen to see BDE, please give him my salutations. I’ve written songs, haikus, and some free form poetry that I hope to premiere on Def Poetry Jam on the topic of how Sully and I can possibly free BDE from what appears to be a love dungeon. This post will of course make no sense to anybody, so I’ll end the ridiculous inside-joke theater here. Just let it be known, that BDE is giving love a chance, and we’ll leave it at that. Hi Nicole!!

• And because of broadcast fairness rules, let it be known that Sully will be invading Ventura County for a brief overnight of romance and pulled pork, not necessarily in that order.

The Sopranos was great again. It’s kind of nerve-wracking just looking at the schedule and seeing only five episodes left. So far this year has been really good, but it needs to get great soon. There has only been a sprinkling of what makes the show good: bloodbaths, whores, therapy, unintentionally hilarious mafia captains, and state-run mental facilities. Uncle Junior writing a letter to Dick Cheney begging for release because he, out of everyone, should know the dangers of a gun accidentally misfiring. One of the funniest moments on TV of the year.

Entourage lasted about 9 minutes before the credits. I don’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing that this show always seems like it’s ending too soon, but even on the average, slower episodes, it seems like the credits come out of nowhere. On one hand, it’s good because it gets you instantly into the story and never lags on all that much, but on the other hand, doesn’t this mean that the pacing is terrible? There’s really no natural arc, nothing gets resolved, and the show usually ends (like this past week with the threat of seeing Carla and her Guginos) right at the high point. I’m so confused by this, but whatever, the show’s still great, and Artie Lange’s on next week, so it’ll probably get even better.

• The Oregon Football Spring Game is Saturday. I went to one of these with Tony, Corndog, and this insane girl that Tony was in love with a few years ago. One would think watching a football team you love in a scrimmage at Autzen would be fun and a good way to pass the time in the dead area between basketball and football seasons, but really, it’s confusing, boring, and you can’t at all follow the procedures. I’ll be fine reading the wrap-ups while I decompose watching the NFL Draft.

• Speaking of which, I’ll be decomposing while watching the draft on Saturday. It always starts out exciting, and then I just devolve into me yelling for old men in front of phones to just make the call. The 49ers have eight picks in the first four rounds, so for my little brother’s sake (even though he’s a Husky) I’ll tune in out of curiousity. Maybe ESPN can get Stephen A. to join the broadcast, at least for the cheesy doodles (below).

Hot Fuzz is a recommended movie. I saw it with my parents and Jackie. My mom and Jackie hated it. My dad and I loved it. It’s a lot of guns, a lot of action movie jokes and references, a lot of crazy Brits, and a swan. Also, there are (at my count) two UK Office cast members involved, Martin Freeman (the guy that played Tim, who’s the original Jim), and Stephen Merchant (co-creator and super-tall awkward guy).

• The Shia LeBouf episode of SNL had a really good digital short. Go waste time.

• If you know, please tell Sully where celebrities grocery shop. He needs to know and will go to great lengths to see anybody remotely known in a produce section.

• New Lost tonight. Prediction: something unexpected will happen that doesn’t really move the plot forward, but it’ll be interesting enough for me to keep watching. I’m really such a sucker.

Sheryl Crow cleared the air but her wanting to limit me to one square of toilet paper in the bathroom. Even still, Sheryl Crow clearly has never eaten at Tommy’s.

And with a good ol’ fashioned two-fer reference, I’m out.

Bada Bing

April 16, 2007

• Wow, The Sopranos. Having a show like that back and completely hit its stride (like it did last night) reminds you how shows were meant to be done. I don’t know how anybody (myself included) watches anything and invests in anything that’s so clearly inferior.

(Alright, the part where I act like snobby TV dick is over)

There are so many great little things about the show, though, that make it so good. First of all, Paulie answering his phone in the middle of the Cleaver screening and telling whoever he was talking to to “just put it in the trunk” was great. Silvio being completely out of his element and not knowing how to say anything is also great.

“He’s a mean fuck, I’ll give him that…” So good.

At this point, the show looks like it’s being set up to go out on a note of inevitable empathy on the part of the younger generation of the families. Something big will happen, whether it be Tony or Christopher getting killed (probably by one or the other) and it’ll lead to everything just sort of breaking down.

One dark horse theory is that Carmela will kill Tony. I like it, it works with the mood of the show that Tony can handle everything but his family, but I don’t know, it may be a stretch.

Of course, all is forgiven with the whole taking 19 years off between seasons.

Let’s move on…

Sully is more emo than you think. I should probably end the inside joke posts, but Sully’s a sucker for casual mentions on a blog that’s read by literally billions of people.

• So is Jackie.

• So is Big Daddy Eisner, who, by all accounts, continues to melt hearts and then leave discretely in the morning across the greater Los Angeles area. Well played, BDE, well played.

• The Lakers are getting in on the whole tanking epidemic that’s apparently running rampant in the NBA. Unfortunately, they clinched a playoff spot last night and will most likely play the Suns starting next week in the first round of playoffs. I’m almost positive they can’t beat them in a series, but after reading :07 Seconds or Less, and the way the Suns whine about the Lakers constantly, it’d be nice for somebody on Phx to come out of the series a little more bruised than they were coming in.

*Cough* Raja Bell *Cough*

• I tried to go to the Dodger game Saturday night against the Padres to formally kick off a season of more cleverly captioned photographs of mainly Big Daddy Eisner eating hot dogs and giving a thumbs up while seated near Hasidic rapper look-a-likes. If the Dodgers aren’t selling their games as packed with hot dogs and Hasid rapper look-a-likes, they should probably get on the ball with that.

• I got a haircut today. They shampooed and conditioned my hair. I may be going soft in my old age, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to get a haircut without a vaguely foreign woman running her nails through my sopping wet hair again. Just saying.

Too much information? I can never tell.

Chamberlain Oguchi is no longer a Duck. He’ll be transferring somewhere where he’ll get more of an opportunity to either hit eight straight threes or go for 3-13 on any given night. I don’t know what to say. Corndog and I had a great time drunkenly yelling “The Gooooooooch” every time he came in, so that was a highlight. Also, having the nickname “Champ” is worth something, right?

He couldn’t handle the ball well, he was a decent defender, wasn’t much of a slasher, but was a good energy guy off the bench and was the subject of the same hilarious quick bio every time he came into the game of “He can really heat up at any time, like he did last year in the Pac-10 Tournament,” as he was pouring in atrocious shooting games all year (but yes, he did have a bad ankle probably most the way). All in all, I’ll miss ya Gooch, best o’ luck.

• Don’t watch NFL Draft coverage before the draft. Seriously, it’s a waste of time. Nobody really knows anything, so just go to whatever draft site you prefer, learn who should be taken in the first couple rounds, and just enjoy the draft when it airs. I’m not sure why I’ve decided to take this space to give out draft coverage advice, but you’ve gotta trust me, I literally ate a steak sandwich today.

• The new beard is filling in nicely. I’ll take another picture soon for what I assume are all of your specific chronological photographic files on me.

• Sometimes you just wanna ride a go-kart, and now my friends, is one of those times.

Urban Eats in Burbank is really good, if not a little overpriced. They put pesto mayo on their sandwiches and it may not be up to the “bathing level,” (when a sauce is good enough to bathe in) as Big Daddy Eisner would put it (for him it’s Mission Burrito enchilada sauce, and Tommy’s chili), but it’s still skyrocketing up the sandwich spread rankings that I just made up for this very bullet point.

(Not sure if Big Daddy Eisner will mind the divulging of that dark secret of his, but whatever)

This has gone far enough. Good night Tacoma.