Archive for the ‘The Office’ category

Lo Siento (y muchos bullet points)

September 27, 2007

I’m a terrible person, there’s no better way of explaining my lack of motivation to post here. A lot has transpired over the past few weeks, but I’ll do my best to outline it in a super-mega-extended barrage of bullet points. Sexy!

• I will be producing The College Football Tour Guide for Sports Illustrated at SI.com and SIonCampus.com. The name of the segment has been changed to The College Football Tour Guy (I suspect because of legal reasons), but it really doesn’t matter all that much. I have to bleep out profanity, but in all honesty, I’m one of the biggest fans of bleeped profanity out there. Arrested Development is funnier because of it, and if I can be 1/56,934,524,594,325,237th as funny as Arrested Development, than I’m succeeding. I’ve done four episodes so far and I’m doing 12 in 12 weeks. This year is national, so there’s much more traveling involved, but also much more food and crazy people, which I see as a positive thing. Palo Alto and Tucson are fine, but Athens, GA and Lincoln, NE have been completely insane. I must pace myself. Here are some quick sub-bullets:

• Week One: I went to Athens, GA and hired my buddy Esa to be my cameraman at the Georgia game. It was fun because we had both never been to a southern football game. Plus, he’s Iranian, so there was the off chance that we would be faced with some sort of racism, which is always a blast. Unfortunately, everybody in Georgia was ridiculously pleasant and accepting, and we were met with zero controversy. We were met with gaggles of good looking southern girls. I won’t mention any names, but there will be at least 17 babies born in May 2008 with a Persian baby daddy. Just saying.

• Week Two: Penn State was week two. Driving through central Pennsylvania is the worst possible way to spend a little over three hours. It’s depressing, full of construction, the skies are gray, and there are detours everywhere. Please, if you’re looking for an exciting way to spend a Saturday, do anything else. State College, PA isn’t all that exciting, but it looks to be a little better than the rest of the state. Penn State fans are pretty out of control, but in a less than exciting way. There were plenty of great fans, but they were easily my least favorite group so far. Sorry.

• Week Three: Nebraska. The drive from Omaha/Carter Lake, Iowa (an Omaha Airport Hotel is in Iowa, insane) is uneventful. I went with Yosh Jackman, who shot the ASU episode with me last year. He proved to be good luck again, as somehow we bumped into a Playboy Playmate. I tried to seduce her via uncomfortable snorts and below-average flirtatious questioning, but I got nowhere beyond a business card with a general Playboy office phone number. Yosh’s luck was better, as he gave her multiple orgasms in the middle of that tailgate. Ok, I made that up. Or did I?

• Week Four: This past week was Baton Rouge for LSU, and I was expecting it to be the best week of the season, but it was a day game and people didn’t really seem to care because the Tigers were playing South Carolina. The people were great, I ate extremely well, but it was a little disappointing, mainly because it was just a day game nobody cared about. There was a tropical storm that hit that almost washed us away after we were done shooting. Luckily, we hid under a tree until Yackie informed us that that’s where lightening strikes. We’re not very bright, and by “we,” I mean multi-episode cameraman Casey D. Oh yea, and there’s no reason to ever go to Baton Rouge other to see an LSU football game or eat pistachios and pear bread (fantastic) at Casey’s extended family’s house.

So that’s that so far. The episodes and SI blogs are all linked up if you go to The College Football Tour Guide site.

Ok, enough self-promotion. The new TV season is underway, here’s what I’ve noticed.

Reaper on the CW is really good. I don’t know how good the rest of the episodes will be without Kevin Smith directing, but I suspect there will be little to no drop-off. I recommend this show.

• I never watched the Hell’s Kitchen show on Fox, but Gordon Ramsay’s new show Kitchen Nightmares (Fox) is really, really good. I’m in, at least for the time being.

• I haven’t given Chuck or Bionic Woman a shot, they have wait and see status with me, sort of like with Heroes last year. For what it’s worth, I’m positive that the Grey’s Anatomy spin-off will faily

The Big Bang Theory on CBS is an above-average traditional four-camera sitcom. The writing was pretty crisp, but it could easily be a one-joke show about nerdy scientists and good-looking girls. We’ll see. So far, I’m in.

• The premiere of Heroes was pretty good, although I hope Takei lives. He’s Takei, man, Takei!

The Office premieres tonight with an hour-long episode, that’s the first of four hour long episodes to open up the season. I’m, needless to say, very excited. Sully, meanwhile, will probably bring physical harm to anybody that tries to disturb him tonight between 9-10 pm, and frankly, it’s completely warranted. Also, Jenna Fischer, who plays Pam, has separated from her husband. All I’m saying is that Yackie should be on higher notice than she already is with me parading around SEC tailgates.

• If you watch Grey’s Anatomy, you’re probably not my friend. Although, you’re probably my girlfriend. Funny how that works.

The Hills is A+ this season. It’s clearly all fake and a set up, but it’s too entertaining for me to care. I’m actively hoping for something disastrous to happen to Heidi and Spencer, so clearly the show has me right where they want me.

Weeds is good, although it’s sort of all over the place. I’m still invested.

Curb has been average so far, but that’s still better than pretty much everything other than The Office. The first three episodes have been uneven and forced – every plot point doesn’t really flow, and you already start thinking about how it’ll come back. The past few seasons have brought back these plot points seamlessly, while it’s been choppy this year. I’m sure it’ll get better, I’m just picky.

• I tried to watch Tell Me You Love Me, but got bored and just fast-forwarded to the sex scenes. I’m not a big scrotum fan, so I’ve decided to pass on this scrote-fest.

Moving on…

• When the power went out in LA a few weeks ago, I had to move my whole computer set-up to Yackie’s and when I brought it back, my main external hard drive with all my pictures and music fried. Fry’s couldn’t do anything and I don’t want to send it out for like $900 worth of repairs, so I’m sans a lot of music and memories. For instance, will I ever find a set of pictures of a topless, drunk Corndog wielding a copy of the Showgirls DVD? We may never know. Shame.

• I want an iPhone. It’s actually somewhat defensible considering all the traveling I’m now doing. It’s also defensible because it’s totally awesome.

• I want to move.

• I got new sunglasses and they’re still intact. Hooray.

• I want to boogie board. Badly.

• The Dodgers are terrible, I don’t want to talk about it.

(James Loney, 2008 NL MVP)

And, lastly, the Ducks:

• I love Oregon Ducks football. You can say that they’re setting themselves up for a freefall that has become somewhat typical, but I say, in by best Lee Corso accent, “Not so fast!” I also say, in my best Lou Holtz accent, “I still say Notre Dame can win the national championship, and possibly even the Super Bowl.” Actually, if Lou Holtz said it, it would probably just sound like, “Thhhbbbbbbbttttttttt Charlie Weithhhhhhbbbbtttttt.”

Anyway, watching this Oregon team is easily the most fun I’m having this fall, which may actually say more about how pathetic I may be than how good this team is. The shelled Michigan, beat everyone else beyond any doubt, and will destroy a hobbled Cal team this weekend. The Duck defense is suspect, but they’re absolutely trampling people.*

*So long as they don’t start dropping the ball.

Oregon 48 Cal 24.

That’s all for now, I can’t guarantee much, but I’ll update more frequently from now on than my disastrous September showing.

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Viernes Bullets

May 18, 2007

• TV shows are winding down, which means that I can devote more time to the Dodgers as they inevitably will rise to their probable lead in the NL West, then will go completely cold and possibly pull out (barely) the division in September. I’m pretty sure Jason Schmidt served me lunch today, I’m not sure what else he could’ve possibly been doing.

• I didn’t mention it last week, but I’ll lump it in with this week’s episode – Lost has gone and completely redeemed itself a la Lloyd Christmas. Sure, plot points are being added left and right, but I’m ok with that so long as something actually happens. Oh, and there’s no way Locke is going anywhere. After episodes, I usually check a Lost message board to see if there was anything I missed, and if you care, the screen grabs of what Jacob looks like are essentially Locke with hair. Anyway, after this week’s episode, I went online to look and somebody had posted that somebody else correctly wrote out a synopsis of both this week’s episode and the finale a few days before it aired (this week). I couldn’t resist and I read about the finale. I’m a weak, weak man, but it should be a gamechanger.

The Office had its finale (hr long) last night, and despite what Sully may think and tell you, it was really good. Sully wanted more closure, but I’m not sure he fully gets that shows generally need to finish seasons open-ended. His reaction as the episode ended didn’t really ruin it for me, as I am able to separate the negative from what’s going on on-screen. Ryan in charge of Michael Scott next year will be excellent, and so long as they play everything right with Jim-Pam (Jam? Pim? Pamjim?), the show should remain the best network comedy.

• I’m still working on leftover peanuts from Monday’s game.

• There could possibly be an NBA Eastern Conference playoff game on right now. I’m not the one to ask.

ESPN Mobile is back in some sort of new incarnation. Yawn.

• What’s the score of the Red Wings game? Heard this on the radio today, pretty funny.

• I’ve got a bunch of pictures from beautiful, scenic West Lafayette that I’ll get up soon. Included are shots of my first/last time eating at a Cracker Barrel. It was good to see the little brother graduate, but he has officially lost food recommendation privileges. The Cracker Barrel reference is a hint.

• I like Lupe Fiasco, partly because I like saying “Lupe Fiasco.”

• Good lunch today with Yosh Jackman. If you’re not using soft Js in your everyday conversations, I’m afraid that you’re so very 2002.

• Big Daddy Eisner fired off some guns yesterday. I’m trying to make a dirty pun out of this, but he really did go to a shooting range after his finals. I’m not sure if this bodes well or not for his grades or for Los Angeles County.

• I saw my new neighbor today. I didn’t talk to him but I already hold a grudge, mostly because nobody will ever replace the possibly ex-KGB guy whose name sounds sort of like “arachnophobia,” so that’s what we called him. I’ll miss him and his crazy, militant Tevas.

I’m gonna go listen to Koufax and have a handful of peanuts. I mean this literally, sorry.

Most Greatest Post of My Life

May 6, 2007

I have been told in no uncertain terms that if I do not update this site today, my legs may be snapped into a number of different pieces. These threats are coming from people I speak to every day and know what is going on in my life in detail far greater than I go into on this site. Whatever.

• By the end of Game 5, I was ready to be done with the Lakers. It was getting ugly to watch the dysfunction on a semi-nightly basis, and frankly, I needed a break. There were too many injuries, varying gameplans, and inconsistencies to make their series at all enjoyable or a cause for immediate optimism. They need many things, but too put it as simply as possible, they need better players. Start there, and work from that point.

This guy is trying to make it to all 119 Div 1-A college football stadiums before he turns 30. He’s 23, I’m not sure where he lives, and he works at a Starbucks. He’s not going to games right now, obviously, but still the stadiums, although I’m assuming he will go to actual games during the fall. It’s like this, but with less of my nipples and more ambition.

• Last night, Sully, Jackie, and I watched Hoosiers for two reasons:

1. Jackie’s never seen it.
2. It’s Hoosiers.

Jackie was on the verge of falling asleep many times, although I think I managed to keep her as upright as possible long enough for her to ask, “Is that Jimmy Chitwood?” roughly 17 times. You heard it here first, all white people look the same.

• Today may or may not have been one of my last) trip to the Hummus Farm (aka the farmer’s market). Nothing’s definite, but since my new found appreciation for all things garbanzo (and chickpea for that matter), my life has ascended to unpredictable heights. I’m a hummus man, through and through. There, I said it. I regret nothing.

• Another recent crippling addiction is The Tony Kornheiser Show. It’s his radio show that airs on (I believe) both Washington Post Radio in DC and XM. They put up a commercial-free podcast of it on iTunes. It’s gotten to the point that I can’t run without it. The show skews older (probably >50), but for some reason, I can’t get enough. Basically, he bitches about The Sopranos, American Idol, animals, old people, young people, middle-aged people, and occasionally, he talks about sports. It’s difficult to explain, but it’s good. I’m probably insane, I don’t know.

• The winner of The Kentucky Derby is apparently illiterate, not that that really has anything to do with whipping a horse and not eating, but now I feel bad for laughing when the (horrible, tacky, uncomfortable to watch) reporter-on-a-horse rode up to him (with that idiotic helmet/broadcast antenna) and started interviewing him immediately following his victory. I laughed when he said it was the “most greatest moment of his life” while fighting back tears. I’m not a great person – this I know – but he’s won 4,000+ races apparently, he’s got to be used to putting words together for the media on some level. You know what, I stand by my laughter. There.

• Looks like Tony Parker found particular inspiration in my demand that somebody beat up a Suns player.

Chickadilla – I’ll say it now, they’re gonna take over the fast food appetizer market. You’ll see.

The Office was great last week, I’m always alright with flashing jokes, a luxurious women’s bathroom, and parts of episodes possibly being filmed at a mall 10 minutes from my apartment.

• The older Russian couple moved out of their apartment next door to us. Sully swears the guy was in the KGB and was the victim of poisoning. I think we can all agree that Sully reads too much CNN.com.

(I did once see him wearing camo-colored Tevas, if that’s any indication.)

Whale Thurmond III ran the hurdles yesterday for Oregon and came in IIIrd.

_End_

Bullet Train

April 25, 2007

• Well then, maybe the Lakers don’t have a shot. Of course if they win tomorrow, I’ll probably start all over again in my ridiculous claims that the Lakers have a shot. I’m clearly insane and delusional.

• The Dodgers are now tied (after losing two in a row) for the best record in baseball. Jason Schmidt looks (so far anyway) to be a terrible signing and Randy Wolf seems to be a brilliant one. Big Daddy Eisner, with his cryptic ties to the West Hills Baseball underground, probably could’ve told you this all along.

• Speaking of which, if you happen to see BDE, please give him my salutations. I’ve written songs, haikus, and some free form poetry that I hope to premiere on Def Poetry Jam on the topic of how Sully and I can possibly free BDE from what appears to be a love dungeon. This post will of course make no sense to anybody, so I’ll end the ridiculous inside-joke theater here. Just let it be known, that BDE is giving love a chance, and we’ll leave it at that. Hi Nicole!!

• And because of broadcast fairness rules, let it be known that Sully will be invading Ventura County for a brief overnight of romance and pulled pork, not necessarily in that order.

The Sopranos was great again. It’s kind of nerve-wracking just looking at the schedule and seeing only five episodes left. So far this year has been really good, but it needs to get great soon. There has only been a sprinkling of what makes the show good: bloodbaths, whores, therapy, unintentionally hilarious mafia captains, and state-run mental facilities. Uncle Junior writing a letter to Dick Cheney begging for release because he, out of everyone, should know the dangers of a gun accidentally misfiring. One of the funniest moments on TV of the year.

Entourage lasted about 9 minutes before the credits. I don’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing that this show always seems like it’s ending too soon, but even on the average, slower episodes, it seems like the credits come out of nowhere. On one hand, it’s good because it gets you instantly into the story and never lags on all that much, but on the other hand, doesn’t this mean that the pacing is terrible? There’s really no natural arc, nothing gets resolved, and the show usually ends (like this past week with the threat of seeing Carla and her Guginos) right at the high point. I’m so confused by this, but whatever, the show’s still great, and Artie Lange’s on next week, so it’ll probably get even better.

• The Oregon Football Spring Game is Saturday. I went to one of these with Tony, Corndog, and this insane girl that Tony was in love with a few years ago. One would think watching a football team you love in a scrimmage at Autzen would be fun and a good way to pass the time in the dead area between basketball and football seasons, but really, it’s confusing, boring, and you can’t at all follow the procedures. I’ll be fine reading the wrap-ups while I decompose watching the NFL Draft.

• Speaking of which, I’ll be decomposing while watching the draft on Saturday. It always starts out exciting, and then I just devolve into me yelling for old men in front of phones to just make the call. The 49ers have eight picks in the first four rounds, so for my little brother’s sake (even though he’s a Husky) I’ll tune in out of curiousity. Maybe ESPN can get Stephen A. to join the broadcast, at least for the cheesy doodles (below).

Hot Fuzz is a recommended movie. I saw it with my parents and Jackie. My mom and Jackie hated it. My dad and I loved it. It’s a lot of guns, a lot of action movie jokes and references, a lot of crazy Brits, and a swan. Also, there are (at my count) two UK Office cast members involved, Martin Freeman (the guy that played Tim, who’s the original Jim), and Stephen Merchant (co-creator and super-tall awkward guy).

• The Shia LeBouf episode of SNL had a really good digital short. Go waste time.

• If you know, please tell Sully where celebrities grocery shop. He needs to know and will go to great lengths to see anybody remotely known in a produce section.

• New Lost tonight. Prediction: something unexpected will happen that doesn’t really move the plot forward, but it’ll be interesting enough for me to keep watching. I’m really such a sucker.

Sheryl Crow cleared the air but her wanting to limit me to one square of toilet paper in the bathroom. Even still, Sheryl Crow clearly has never eaten at Tommy’s.

And with a good ol’ fashioned two-fer reference, I’m out.

Uh Oh

April 6, 2007

• Oops, Colin Cowherd sorta kinda did something that was not so good today. Calling on listeners to jam a web site is not such a good plan if you don’t want to be investigated by the FCC.

I listened to him some in Eugene because, you’ll have to trust me on this one, there is NOTHING good on the radio in Eugene. I don’t mind flipping through terrible pop stations, but even those were somehow way worse in Eugene. Anyway, occasionally I’ll sit through a couple minutes of the show because he’s on the station my clock radio is tuned to, but honestly, the guy’s purely schtick. I never really listened to Tony Kornheiser when he was on ESPN in the mornings because I would usually listen to Stern, but I decided to download the podcast of his XM show on iTunes, and WOW, his show is far more entertaining and doesn’t make you want to throw up a little in your mouth, like most of Cowherd’s incoherent, condescending rants make me want to do on a semi-regular basis. ESPN Radio would be smart to move in a new direction, and that direction should be towards anything that isn’t Cowherd.

• The fantasy squad is climbing into the week. I’ve never played in a match-up league, so for it’s alright, but the roughly 47 offensive categories that are counted seems counterintuitive. In protest, I will only be checking my team’s progress 52 times a day, instead of the traditional 53.

The Office was back last night for its first new episode in 822 weeks and now I can’t hold a grudge anymore. It was all good, down to MissTerious, Dwight’s throwing stars, Toby taking a deposition, and the certificate with the teddy bear. And on a semi-related note, Jenna Fischer is skyrocketing up my unofficial rankings that I keep at the ready in the ol’ cerebellum. She’s clearly dressed down and sort of fugged up on The Office, but she always seemed like she had an extra gear with a ton of upside (unclear on the wingspan) a la Tyrus Thomas. Judging from the stills from Blades of Glory (and a positive report from Charlottesville, VA’s most trusted sports anchor), she appears to have realized her potential and more. Throw in this shot from some magazine, and we’re talking sleeper top 3. Alright, I’m done perving out for the day.

Eisner is breaking hearts. Ladies, you’re officially on notice. You probably won’t see a noticable difference when the first Dodger photo essay of the season arrives in the next few weeks. But if you look closely, you’ll probably see a large group of women in the background clawing each other’s eyes, yelling at each other, crying over Scott not calling back, and generally trembling in his presence. He’s like an Axe Body Spray commercial combined with a Tag Body Spray commercial. Yea, hard to top that.

• I turned down the Kentucky job. Just wasn’t for me.

Sopranos is back Sunday. This is the event that happens every two years that gets me swearing more than I should and also figuring out how I can successfully shake people down. This began my freshman year of high school when I started yelling at my buddy Esa out of nowhere using words in Italian that I only had the foggiest idea about. I regret nothing.

• It pains me to say it, given our history, but the Rachael Ray talk show is atrocious. She’s just not good around…people. I like her way more talking to food than humans. Sad to say, but she probably peaked in ’03 with the mini-burgers episode. Still a classic.

• Nate on Leno tonight. Spread the palabra.

Wonk.

Might As Well Beard It Up

April 3, 2007

• Spring practice for Oregon football started today. The Ducks are down a cornerback (Jackie Bates transferring), still have a QB decision to make, have a new offensive coordinator, practicing without at least half of both lines (resting with injuries), trying to figure out who the kicking job will go to, starting two new LBs, implementing a new special teams system with a new coach, and trying to create a new, more intense attitude to not break down mentally after bad losses or stretches of games. Sounds like 10-2 to me. At Michigan and USC in the Eug will be tough.

On paper, there seems to be too many questions to take advantage of two really good running backs, a senior QB, and one of the best secondaries in the country, but somehow they will, as this team defies logic (should’ve been much better last year). And yes, this is all pretty much torturous to follow, but here I am.

Let’s get back on topic…

• The University of Oregon School of Journalism‘s own Nate Jackson will be hosting a segment on The Tonight Show on Friday night from, I believe, Lake Havasu. He won some sort of contest in a search for the next correspondent (that I, for the record, did not know about or enter) and apparently won.

Nate’s a good dude, we worked together some at school and I’ve seen him a couple times since he moved down here and I imagine that he’ll do a good job on Leno. I’m not sure what other insight I have into him other than the fact that he once pitched a story in our Advanced News class that would basically get to the bottom of the origin of street steam, and another trying to figure out where college students stood on the topic of sex. Neither story was approved, but my guess that the conclusion to the second pitch would be “pro.”

The Hills‘ season two ended last night. Luckily, though, Sully downloaded season one (he hadn’t seen it) and hooked it up to the projector he uses to teach his class so we could watch some episodes. The previous sentence was one of the more difficult sentences I’ve ever made public.

• The Dodgers have started the season off 0-2 in Milwaukee. I blame the new parking prices. The other thing about the new parking is they now lead you to and from your parking spot, which ruins the whole traditional scramble to make it out the parking lot before somebody throws fireworks at your car. Think Blue!!

• The stars of the show I will never, ever, EVER watch again, Sons of Hollywood are Sean Stewart (son of Rod) and Randy Spelling, (possible great, great, great grand) son of Aaron. They embody everything that’s wrong with what happens when human beings don’t quite turn out the way they should, sort of like the burnt toast of reality television. I can not stress enough, PLEASE DO NOT WATCH THIS SHOW.

• Speaking of which, I was luckily enough to listen to Christina Aguilera answer questions on the Sirius pop station. I can’t really recall too many specifics, but there definitely was not conclusive evidence that she’s not a robot. Hey, at least they’re robots are made in orange now.

Lasorda’s Lesbos (this year’s fantasy squad) started slowly, but I still see a good season ahead. Sure, I may have two 40ish starters (Smoltz, Schilling), my closers may or may not be head cases (Jenks, Lidge), my best outfielder may also be one (Manny), my second baseman may be out six more weeks (Figgins), but I don’t think you realize that my shortstop is Orlando Cabrera, and his helmet is probably way more pine tar-y than your shortstop’s. So there.

The Office is new this week after a short 17 year hiatus. The clips up on Yahoo more than help, though. It’s European!!!

John Travolta‘s psycho Scientologist wife is on TV selling Neutrogena something. I didn’t want to look directly at her for fear of involuntary recruitment.

• I’m considering not shaving until Oregon wins a basketball or football national championship. I’m not sure if I’m making this statement in protest or because I sort of liked my recent beard phase.

• I just realized that after parking and getting food before the first inning starts, I’ll be out probably $25. I’m half expecting a dollor slot to form in my TV. I need to get over this. After the first time I spill mustard (roughly two weeks from now I’d guess), I’ll probably get over it and move on.

My back is kinda sweaty, time to end this charade.