Sweatin’ Bullets

Hm, I’m posting. Odd.

• I just got back from shooting an episode in Eugene at the Olympic Trials. I was sort of thrown and off my game during my first attempt to shoot because I sometimes clam up when trying to stop people to talk to them as they seem to be walking somewhere. It still feels a little strange. I’m totally cool with interrupting people’s tailgates, but the walking around thing still gets me.

Anyway, Eugene was a good time – I ate what I wanted to (Glenwood, Newman’s, Broadway), saw some folks I haven’t in awhile (K Diddy, Casey Dean Doolin, Sully, Tony) and hung out with some of Sully’s people as well. Good times all around. I won’t bore you with too much else, especially since I’m guessing you’re beyond thrilled that I’m even writing in the first place. Try not to wet yourself.

• The Dodgers are not very good at baseball and yet are in or around (depending when you read this) first place. Wha? Ned Colletti appears to be somewhat inept, but I can’t quite blame him for injuries, can I? Can I?

• It appears that Corndog is coming down for the weekend in a couple of weeks. If you’d like to see a tall dude, who is probably pale from a long Boise winter, char in LA, please do alert me.

• Casey Dean Doolin convinced Sully, K Diddy, and myself to climb Spencer Butte in Eugene after playing basketball for awhile. Hm, mistake for the ol’ every muscle in my body.

• I’ve been boogie boarding a good amount and can honestly say that I’m slightly less intimidated by bigger waves to the point where I consider myself to be slightly beyond “beginner.”

• My turkey chili recipe is coming along quite nicely. We’re still in development, but things are looking up.

• Weeds has been surprisingly good, I hope Albert Brooks isn’t done. It’s always good to have an older Jew on TV accuse everything that isn’t Jewish of being Nazi-related. Fun times.

• I finally played Wii in Eugene and my results were as follows:

Wii Bowling w/K Diddy – Tie, Win
Wii Tennis w/K Diddy – Six straight wins

Woot.

• Saw a screening for The Year One tonight with Yackie. I really did want to like it – good cast, good creative minds behind it, interesting premise, but really, it’s super-slow and completely hit and miss. Oops.

• The fantasy squad (Tepid Weiners), after nine straight wins, have dropped two straight. I’m still pretty confident, but the Weins needs to pick it up. Heh, pick it up. That’s what she said. What?

• I’ve been looping the Motion City Soundtrack acoustic EP pretty regularly. I’m still a sucker, but not nearly as emo as I probably thought I was.

• I got a PS3 and have been chugging along on the World Tour mode of Virtual Tennis 3. It takes some time, but I’ve been rocking the challenger circuit pretty hard. Yea, that last sentence is probably as nerdy as this post will probably get. NCAA ’09 in a week!

• Looks like another move shortly. Bleh.

I’m gonna go watch some Guy Fieri and pass out. Word.

Back soon?

The Story of Why I Struggle to Walk Right Now

Here’s a story. Hopefully there’s some sort of important lesson to be learned somewhere in here.

On Saturday, Yackie and I decided to drive down to Rendondo Beach to visit Sully and KtL. We’d hang out, eat El Burrito Jr., and watch the NFL Draft. A simple enough day. We got their around 1ish, watched a little of the draft, decided to get El BJ, brought the food back to his place, and watched more NFL Draft. As you can probably imagine, Yackie and KtL were not all that enthused about watching names flash across the screen for any extended period of time. We then went out and walked to the beach, got some frozen yogurt (I went with a Coke Float, I have no idea why), came back and, you guessed it, watched more draft coverage. With all the talk of draft picks, 40 times, verticals, lifting reps, and “thrust,” Sully, Sully’s roomate Josh, and I started talking again about how we should see how fast we could run the 40.

This is where the pain begins.

Sully lent me his Arizona basketball shorts (cursed), Josh put on some sort of über-tight nike shirt, and we all went to West Torrance High School to run the 40. Yackie and KtL both had stopwatches, we blasted Kanye, and generally got pumped for a pretty bad idea (as Yackie stated it was many times).

The school was open and we were lucky enough to have the yard markers painted on to the edge of the track, which circled the football field. I immediately took my shirt off (you’re welcome ladies of the South Bay) to cut down on any possible resistance, and began stretching and jogging around. Sully remained unsure if he would run the 40, as he anticipated injury and/or embarrassment. Josh and I were getting in our respective zones (he played HS football, I HS tennis), positioned everyone, and finally, started sprinting. My goal was to be sub-six seconds.

We ran individual, hand-timed heats on the grass, and both consistently ran in the 5.5-6.1 range, although I don’t think I got in the 6s on the grass. Despite Yackie’s complaining, it was relatively fun, and put my curiosity to sleep.

At this point, Sully decided (after numerous full laps around the track) that he wanted in, but only in a head to head fashion – on the track. He ran two heats. His first heat, he beat Josh by a length and finished around 6.06ish. Not bad, especially considering Sully was hedging his potential time by talking up his distance running and claiming to have no short burst.

In the final race of the evening, I raced Sully on the track for unspoken future bragging rights. It was counted off by Josh, timed by Yackie, and we were off. For some reason, Sully, for the first time that day, started grunting and moaning during the sprint, throwing me off a little. I don’t make excuses, Sully beat me by a length fair and square. Immediately after finishing, I felt a tightness in my hamstrings, and started walking a little more gingerly. I didn’t think much of it, and just chalked it up to soreness from not having sprinted in quite some time.

We got some more food, drove home, and lo and behold, the soreness increased. Fast forward a bit, and by the time I woke up yesterday, I could barely move. My hamstrings were the size of softballs, my hips (which don’t lie) hurt everytime I did anything more than flinch, and I became certain that I had not only just shin splints, but hip, quad, knee, shin, and foot splints.

Rad.

Today, I tried walking with Yackie at a regular pace in my neighborhood before she laughed and asked if it was ok to walk ahead at a normal speed. This isn’t good.

As I sit here now typing this, I just tried to cross my legs on the ledge underneath my desk, and it was an unnecessarily lengthy struggle.

Officially, I’m day to day, but I may be sent down for a simulated game and then a rehab assignment.

The lesson here: never fool yourself into thinking it’s a good idea to try to run the 40 yard dash, especially multiple times. I don’t get how it is I’m slower than every single offensive lineman ever, but I now accept it as fact.

Also, Yackie is almost always wrong about things, but occasionally she can be correct.

Ugh.

Bull Rush in Abril

Ok, I’m here. I’m alive, although I’m not sure anybody equated my death with my lack of posting. If so, you should now be feeling an overwhelming sense of relief.

• Last night I went to the Dodger game with Big Daddy Eisner and BDE’s parents, who gainfully employed me during high school. If by some chance, you’re a casual reader of this blog and need BBQ Catering in the Greater Los Angeles Area, please do go with Rosie’s BBQ. We sat in the orange (second level), which proved to be pretty good. The seats were under the overhang, but still in prime foul ball territory, which always makes things exciting, although BDE and I slightly disagree on catching technique. He opts for catching like an egg, where as I’m of the belief that you should cradle it into the body, rib injury be damned. The game sucked, it was cold, and I made myself even colder by eating an ice cream sandwich in the later innings. Also, I think Scott owes me money for parking. (I will, however, accept BBQ food in the place of money.)

• I did a video with college wrestling fans and participants a couple of weeks ago for SI. You’ve probably already made up your mind about whether this interests you, but it’s up on the new version of my site at SI Tour Guy. Hopefully in the coming months, the SI player will be upgraded so that everybody can watch videos on the site that wants to, with no problems.

• I’ve been running more and more and my body seems to be holding up. I attribute this to my listening to the Tony Kornheiser Show on the ol’ Shuffle. Nothing gets you jacked up to keep pushing yourself like a cranky guy pushing 60 who endlessly complains. Good stuff.

• There’s a Sharky’s five minutes from me that is outstanding, save for their horrible, semi-paved parking lot.

• The Ducks just opened spring practice. I did my best to explain the issues being addressed to Yackie, and I must say, she did a fairly good job of following along. What I’ve done to her may now be more clearly defined as a “near-thorough brainwashing.”

• Frozen custard in St. Louis is excellent. After getting lost (in what must be the most abandoned major city in the country), Sully and I made it to Ted Drewes, where around 60 people were eating frozen custard in 40 degree weather. The other highlight was going into North St. Louis (not East) and getting the best ribs I’ve ever eaten. Were we the only two white people in the neighborhood? Almost. Was it as bad as it was described to us? Not so much.

The best thing was returning the car immediately after eating those ribs and having the Avis employees completely flip out at how great the rib smell was as soon as we opened the door. Good folk in the StL.

• I’ve been watching season one of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job (actual title), the 12 minute sketch show on Adult Swim, and it’s pretty funny. It gets a little odd sometimes, but well worth one’s time (if he or she were to have too much of it). Friend of the blog Esa (Garbage blog, see right) recommended Frisky Dingo, also on Adult Swim. I’ve watched four episodes (12 min), also pretty funny. See, this is why I’ve been running so much, I either do nothing or kill myself doing something, I’m strange.

• Hulu.com is the best thing ever to help you do nothing. I’ve been watching Arrested Development episodes that I’ve already seen, nonstop.

“You mean he can’t even grow his own hair? C’mon!”

• Oregon basketball is not so good. Next year, the team will be completely different, let’s hope Big Ern gets some new assistants, as well. Luckily, Big Mike Dunigan (incoming 5* center) won’t have to deal with those pesky Brothers Lopez. God was this year awful to watch.

• I think I’m going to start doing some new web stuff in the near future, all this time is ridiculous. Stay tuned. Or don’t. Whatever, it’s coo.

• Old friend Sam is moving to London. I ate steaks with him and other people from the Cbas last weekend. Ray Romano was there, but he seemed to want to eat with other people and not recognize that Sam was leaving. Sucker.

We went up to Sam’s office at Google around the corner, where I got way too excited about free candy and played Rock Band for the first time. I killed it on lead vox during Fall Out Boy and The Killers. EPIC.

• Yackie framed my two magazine appearances with the covers of the respective issues they appear in. The thought is great, but I now am constantly distracted by a Playboy cover in front of me with a giant painted ass. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or not.

• Just so you know, navel oranges are for sure in season.

This is getting long. That’s what she said.

Zing.

Under the Crazies

So this past weekend, I filmed one of my little episodes with Casey at Duke before the North Carolina game. It didn’t look like I was going to be able to get in on my non-existent media clout, as the SI credential was rightfully promised to Stewart Mandel, who I would guess would put the credential to good use by taking worthwhile notes from a good vantage point during the game. I found out that he got caught in some sort of storm in New York, so suddenly, if there was nobody else that would use the pass, it was mine. Bingo. I went from hoping to meet a desperate scalper to having to climb over the media table to get to my seat. Not bad.

I wasn’t at all prepared to take notes – I just had Casey’s computer, which was actually Candice‘s, and his man purse, which was devoid of anything respectable to write on. My pad was in my backpack, which was with Casey while he went for a return trip to Cook Out, for another milkshake. Fair enough.

My solution was to write on the one piece of paper that somehow made its way in front of me – a two-sided sheet explaining all the chants the Cameron Crazies would be rolling through, as well as the list of recruits that were at the game. I had a writer from the USA Today (respectable) on one side of me and one from the NY Daily News (tabloid) on the other, so I had to at least make an attempt to look like I belonged, as there was a placard that said SI.com in front of me. My solution was to take unreadable notes in the margins of the paper that I would be able to read a later time for a blog, but that nobody else around me could decipher and realize that I was a fraud. The ensuing is a series of bullet points of what I noticed before, during, and after the game. Let’s hope I can read at least four of these items…

• The Duke cheerleaders seemed very energetic, and it appears that the one who is standing in front of me trying to excite the student section does an ungodly number of sit-ups. I should do more sit-ups.

• One of my best friends in college (Corndog) was in the Oregon Marching Band and he had a friend who was in the Duke Marching Band. Apparently, a ton of people join the football band and sit through an atrocious season every year because being in the basketball pep band is the pot at the end of the rainbow. I can’t remember how the band was during the game, but they rocked the pre-game. Hard.

• You can’t simply walk to your seat at the media table because of the throng of Cameron Crazies smother every conceivable inch of clean air in this place. The solution here is that media types have to climb over the table from the court to get to their seats. I thought it was pretty funny to see if any of the old-timers would hurt themselves during this very basic maneuver, and then I promptly hurt something in my shoulder doing it. Damnit.

• My favorite part of the game was the pre-game. I don’t know if it was seeing semi-famous people walking around, or being excited over pretending that I belonged on the floor before the biggest college basketball game of the year, but there was an unmistakable energy in Cameron that I’ve never been a part of before. Oh, and Erin Andrews was there (scary thin, needs Carolina BBQ).

• The Manning brothers and Matthew McConaughey were apparently at the game. I don’t recall seeing anybody sans shirt, but I’ll assume this is true.

• It’s 2008, and to me anyway, it seems like people have generally evolved past the usage of your common toupee. Not so much among sportswriters. The trend is still very much alive and well on media row, in case you were wondering.

• Yesterday, because I’m very vain, I watched the game on TiVo and found myself. I’m positive it was me because I instantly found the guy who had to constantly try to look around the undercarriage of a specific ref who made it a point to set up shop directly in front of me 70% of the time on that side of floor.

• Coach K‘s camp would definitely be better than Coach J’s. And remember, he a leader who just happens to be a coach. How I love commercials.

• At 8:41 in the first half, we get out first Duke flop. The flop simulation in my video makes a little more sense now, although my dad had no idea what I was talking about.

• It may have happened, but I completely missed seeing the Scheyer Face in person. Rats.

• During a TV timeout, Jay Bilas raced around the court, met up with Crazies at half court, and then got on a surfboard that was on top of Duke students who were rolling on the ground and towing the board at the game time. After the board passed over them, they jumped up and ran to the front, where they would then meet the board to tow some more. The end result made it look like Bilas (knees bent, arms out surfer style) was surfing across the court. It was pretty cool looking, but completely insane.

• Duke had a baby mascot come out to do mascot-y things. It appeared to be a seven year old with a uniform and a smaller mascot head. This was way better than the schools that try to have a male and female mascot, which should be abolished immediately.

• I wrote down, “hard dunk, i wish i could.” This seems self-explanatory.

• Greg Paulus, at one point, was on fire. I couldn’t hear or see the broadcast, but I have no doubt that Dickie V probably got a little moist watching this.

• At halftime, I had a pretty good M&M cookie and some Sprite in the media room. So strange that sportswriters have a reputation of being gross and overweight…

• Another flop at 16:28 in the second half. The universe was in order.

• The big chant of the night was, “Ty-ler Tra-vels…EVERY TIME.” Well, he sort of does, but Tyler Hansbrough still got hacked for 40 straight minutes. As much as some people don’t like him, he’s exactly the type of player that every team would love to have – he gives tremendous effort, cleans up everything around the basket, and makes his free throws. The chant is still kind of true, though.

• I wasn’t that impressed overall with North Carolina. In person, I could see why they would lose to a better-coached team. There’s always five really good basketball players on the floor for the Tar Heels that can score in crazy-quick bunches, but they can be figured out.

• Duke inched its way back into the game by finally settling down and working towards the best shot. They of course then blew it by turning the ball over and forcing shots. Oops.

• As they got closer, the crowd, as it should have done, exploded with every big shot. There are a lot of reasons not to like Duke, but this was a really good home crowd.

• Jon Scheyer tried for the four point play (fake and up), didn’t get it, and probably cost Duke their final chance at closing the gap in the last minute. There had to have been a Scheyer face here, but I didn’t have the angle.

• Duke loses, people are sad, I leave immediately to meet Casey to beat the crowd and get to a bar to watch the second half of the Oregon game. Oregon wins, all is well.

I should have a legitimate pass to an event coming up soon, so I’ll try to take some more notes if anybody likes reading these long-ish posts. At the very least, Yackie probably will, and Sully and Big Daddy Eisner will hold off on demanding more blog posts.

Out.

Wha? Monday Bullets?

Pre-SuperBurrito.

You got it Chachi. You got it.

• I’m watching House right now and it’s pretty good. Hugh Laurie is fairly strong but I’m not so crazy about the supporting cast. I guess it’s pretty much the Cleveland Cavaliers of the Fox drama department.

• Last night, I went back to Don Antonio’s (yes, the Don Antonio’s) with Yackie, Sully, and KtL. Last time we went was the day UCLA embarrassed themselves in the Final Four this past March. Sully wound up likewise embarrassing himself when he got conquered by the Chicken Super Burrito ($10.75). Fast forward to yesterday, all remained similar (save for Yackie getting an enchilada this time) and Sully managed to at least stay awake through dessert, albeit in a pompous, over-the-top fashion. I have no idea if he fell asleep during the car ride home with KtL, and I don’t know if we’ll ever know. God Speed, Sully, God Speed.

• Oregon lost to Nebraska. Tajuan Porter, had an unreal game, but couldn’t make a free throw. I don’t like where this season is heading if the Ducks can’t make defensive stops, hit free throws, and get controlled play from the point guard position, they’ll be sixth-ish in the Pac-10 instead of second-ish, where they should be. Blech.

• Had a downright tasty lunch with old buddy RPT (she’s not old, although I’m pretty sure older than I am), visiting from Portland. I ate with her and her friends she was visiting at Canter’s. It was pretty uneventful (I went with the standard CB Sand), other than a fire truck and ambulance sitting outside the restaurant to take somebody away. Not all that surprising – Canter’s skews anything but young.

• Andrew Bynum‘s arms look to be about nine feet long. He looks to be pretty good at basketball. Woo.

• It’s college football recruiting season, which, of course, brings out the recruiting uber-nerd in me. I won’t go into any detail that will at some point incriminate me (and there are many far worse than I), but the Ducks’ class appears to be coming together quite nicely. You’re bored, I’m moving on.

• American Gangster is pretty good, not great, though.

• The season two highlight reel of the CFTG I believe should be up on SI and my site in the near future. You won’t believe all the nudity, A-list celebrities, and rampant drug use that’s included. Mostly because it’s not in there.

• The season four Lost trailer looks awesome. Crazy Asian guy from Uncle Junior’s nursing home on The Sopranos? Check. The guy who played Eugene from Eugene, OR from Rescue Dawn? Check. More of the Jack beard? Check. I’m jazzed. Ok, I’ll never say “jazzed” again.

• I just downloaded the CTU phone ringing sound as a new ringtone for my iPhone. I won’t lie, I’m pretty excited.

More later this week. Yes….more!!

Lo Siento (y muchos bullet points)

I’m a terrible person, there’s no better way of explaining my lack of motivation to post here. A lot has transpired over the past few weeks, but I’ll do my best to outline it in a super-mega-extended barrage of bullet points. Sexy!

• I will be producing The College Football Tour Guide for Sports Illustrated at SI.com and SIonCampus.com. The name of the segment has been changed to The College Football Tour Guy (I suspect because of legal reasons), but it really doesn’t matter all that much. I have to bleep out profanity, but in all honesty, I’m one of the biggest fans of bleeped profanity out there. Arrested Development is funnier because of it, and if I can be 1/56,934,524,594,325,237th as funny as Arrested Development, than I’m succeeding. I’ve done four episodes so far and I’m doing 12 in 12 weeks. This year is national, so there’s much more traveling involved, but also much more food and crazy people, which I see as a positive thing. Palo Alto and Tucson are fine, but Athens, GA and Lincoln, NE have been completely insane. I must pace myself. Here are some quick sub-bullets:

• Week One: I went to Athens, GA and hired my buddy Esa to be my cameraman at the Georgia game. It was fun because we had both never been to a southern football game. Plus, he’s Iranian, so there was the off chance that we would be faced with some sort of racism, which is always a blast. Unfortunately, everybody in Georgia was ridiculously pleasant and accepting, and we were met with zero controversy. We were met with gaggles of good looking southern girls. I won’t mention any names, but there will be at least 17 babies born in May 2008 with a Persian baby daddy. Just saying.

• Week Two: Penn State was week two. Driving through central Pennsylvania is the worst possible way to spend a little over three hours. It’s depressing, full of construction, the skies are gray, and there are detours everywhere. Please, if you’re looking for an exciting way to spend a Saturday, do anything else. State College, PA isn’t all that exciting, but it looks to be a little better than the rest of the state. Penn State fans are pretty out of control, but in a less than exciting way. There were plenty of great fans, but they were easily my least favorite group so far. Sorry.

• Week Three: Nebraska. The drive from Omaha/Carter Lake, Iowa (an Omaha Airport Hotel is in Iowa, insane) is uneventful. I went with Yosh Jackman, who shot the ASU episode with me last year. He proved to be good luck again, as somehow we bumped into a Playboy Playmate. I tried to seduce her via uncomfortable snorts and below-average flirtatious questioning, but I got nowhere beyond a business card with a general Playboy office phone number. Yosh’s luck was better, as he gave her multiple orgasms in the middle of that tailgate. Ok, I made that up. Or did I?

• Week Four: This past week was Baton Rouge for LSU, and I was expecting it to be the best week of the season, but it was a day game and people didn’t really seem to care because the Tigers were playing South Carolina. The people were great, I ate extremely well, but it was a little disappointing, mainly because it was just a day game nobody cared about. There was a tropical storm that hit that almost washed us away after we were done shooting. Luckily, we hid under a tree until Yackie informed us that that’s where lightening strikes. We’re not very bright, and by “we,” I mean multi-episode cameraman Casey D. Oh yea, and there’s no reason to ever go to Baton Rouge other to see an LSU football game or eat pistachios and pear bread (fantastic) at Casey’s extended family’s house.

So that’s that so far. The episodes and SI blogs are all linked up if you go to The College Football Tour Guide site.

Ok, enough self-promotion. The new TV season is underway, here’s what I’ve noticed.

• Reaper on the CW is really good. I don’t know how good the rest of the episodes will be without Kevin Smith directing, but I suspect there will be little to no drop-off. I recommend this show.

• I never watched the Hell’s Kitchen show on Fox, but Gordon Ramsay’s new show Kitchen Nightmares (Fox) is really, really good. I’m in, at least for the time being.

• I haven’t given Chuck or Bionic Woman a shot, they have wait and see status with me, sort of like with Heroes last year. For what it’s worth, I’m positive that the Grey’s Anatomy spin-off will faily

• The Big Bang Theory on CBS is an above-average traditional four-camera sitcom. The writing was pretty crisp, but it could easily be a one-joke show about nerdy scientists and good-looking girls. We’ll see. So far, I’m in.

• The premiere of Heroes was pretty good, although I hope Takei lives. He’s Takei, man, Takei!

• The Office premieres tonight with an hour-long episode, that’s the first of four hour long episodes to open up the season. I’m, needless to say, very excited. Sully, meanwhile, will probably bring physical harm to anybody that tries to disturb him tonight between 9-10 pm, and frankly, it’s completely warranted. Also, Jenna Fischer, who plays Pam, has separated from her husband. All I’m saying is that Yackie should be on higher notice than she already is with me parading around SEC tailgates.

• If you watch Grey’s Anatomy, you’re probably not my friend. Although, you’re probably my girlfriend. Funny how that works.

• The Hills is A+ this season. It’s clearly all fake and a set up, but it’s too entertaining for me to care. I’m actively hoping for something disastrous to happen to Heidi and Spencer, so clearly the show has me right where they want me.

• Weeds is good, although it’s sort of all over the place. I’m still invested.

• Curb has been average so far, but that’s still better than pretty much everything other than The Office. The first three episodes have been uneven and forced – every plot point doesn’t really flow, and you already start thinking about how it’ll come back. The past few seasons have brought back these plot points seamlessly, while it’s been choppy this year. I’m sure it’ll get better, I’m just picky.

• I tried to watch Tell Me You Love Me, but got bored and just fast-forwarded to the sex scenes. I’m not a big scrotum fan, so I’ve decided to pass on this scrote-fest.

Moving on…

• When the power went out in LA a few weeks ago, I had to move my whole computer set-up to Yackie’s and when I brought it back, my main external hard drive with all my pictures and music fried. Fry’s couldn’t do anything and I don’t want to send it out for like $900 worth of repairs, so I’m sans a lot of music and memories. For instance, will I ever find a set of pictures of a topless, drunk Corndog wielding a copy of the Showgirls DVD? We may never know. Shame.

• I want an iPhone. It’s actually somewhat defensible considering all the traveling I’m now doing. It’s also defensible because it’s totally awesome.

• I want to move.

• I got new sunglasses and they’re still intact. Hooray.

• I want to boogie board. Badly.

• The Dodgers are terrible, I don’t want to talk about it.

(James Loney, 2008 NL MVP)

And, lastly, the Ducks:

• I love Oregon Ducks football. You can say that they’re setting themselves up for a freefall that has become somewhat typical, but I say, in by best Lee Corso accent, “Not so fast!” I also say, in my best Lou Holtz accent, “I still say Notre Dame can win the national championship, and possibly even the Super Bowl.” Actually, if Lou Holtz said it, it would probably just sound like, “Thhhbbbbbbbttttttttt Charlie Weithhhhhhbbbbtttttt.”

Anyway, watching this Oregon team is easily the most fun I’m having this fall, which may actually say more about how pathetic I may be than how good this team is. The shelled Michigan, beat everyone else beyond any doubt, and will destroy a hobbled Cal team this weekend. The Duck defense is suspect, but they’re absolutely trampling people.*

*So long as they don’t start dropping the ball.

Oregon 48 Cal 24.

That’s all for now, I can’t guarantee much, but I’ll update more frequently from now on than my disastrous September showing.

Hey Nowwwwww

Woops, here are some bullets.

• I’ve been watching The Larry Sanders Show like a madman. A best of DVD was just released, but I’d rather plow my way through an entire series, so I found it online and am in the middle of season four. Basically, it’s Curb before there was Curb, and yes, Larry’s ass is looking fat.

• Yesterday, I was behind Pancho Hodges at the dry cleaners. Of course I would have no idea what his name was (he gave it when he gave them his clothes) or what he did (thank you IMDB), but now I’m aware of Poncho Hodges existance and the mark he has left on this world.

• Tony Yuen visited LA and I had the honor of having not one, but two meals with him. I won’t get into specifics, but I now know the intimate details of his ideal potential threesome (something involving a Scandinavian woman). What I’m saying is the man deserves a talk show, that’s what.

• Big Boi as a comedy superstar!!! Seriously, look no further as to why TV is infinitely better than movies now. Don Michael Paul should be jailed.

• Last weekend, I went to the converted 7-11 Kwik-E-Mart on Sepulveda and Venice with ol’ buddy Adam “Miller Time” Miller. We got pink frosted donuts, squishees, Buzz Cola cans, and I got a Duffman bobblehead. We waited in line for the privilege to buy these lovely promotional items, proving once and for all, that I have no common sense.

• Also, I went boogie boarding with Yackie, her friend Shanananaononanaonaon, her boyfriend, and his friend. The waves seemed decent (but really, what do I know?), I had a few rides that weren’t terribly unsuccessful, and got tossed and tumbled enough so that I had seawater dripping out of nose six hours later. Success!

• I’m moving far away soon. I think. Maybe. Probably. Tentatively.

• Apparently, Sully also has been boogie boarding somewhat, but he will still be known to most as the 6th fastest member of the Oregon Running Club, waves be damned.

• Big Daddy Eisner is now a suit, at least for the summer.

• I’m thoroughly dominating The World Series of Pop Culture, save for some 80s lyrical questions. Next year is my year, provided K Diddy agrees to put himself through his personal horror of appearing in front of the camera. Given that he was barely able to say some words on camera when 30 people were watching in the Oregon Journalism School, I can’t really see him volunteering to go national on Video Hits One.

• I started out kind of liking John from Cincinnati, although now I’m at the point where I feel like the only thing worse would be adding Big Boi to the cast. Strangely and pretty suddenly unwatchable.

Picture posts coming soon.

Scandinavia Knows How to Party

• So there’s one more episode of Sopranos left. The last 35 minutes of last night’s episode was downright nerve-wracking. They won’t possibly be able to tie up every loose end and open-ended plot line in 65 minutes next week, but I’m sure it’ll still be infinitely better than anything that’s ever happened on Bones or Medium. I’m too hung up on how much better Sopranos is, rather than how good it is, if that makes sense. By the way. the scene where all the strippers and bouncers come running out of the Bing naked was great, and I say that speaking beyond the nudity, although that doesn’t hurt.

• Entourage loses me a little every week. It’s as if they know this and specifically named a new character (played by Adam Goldberg) Rubenstein, just to make me happy. So far, I’m on board, but soon I’ll need a Dan Rubenstein to stay fully committed.

• I make good turkey tacos. The key is using the thinnest shredded cheese possible and La Victoria Hot Taco Sauce. I’m pretty easy.

• Ernie Kent will be signing copies of the Oregon Basketball 2006-07 DVDs at the UO Bookstore this week. I don’t know if he’s personalizing them or not (my guess is no), but if he is, I want somebody to get me one that says, “Moooove, Dan, moooove. – Ernie Kent”

• I just looked down at my fingernails and thought I may have unconsiously murdered somebody, as they appeared to be bloody. Good thing I realized that it was just La Victoria Hot Taco Sauce.

• Knocked Up gets a solid A from me. Tons of Freaks and Geeks and Undeclared supporting cast, Seth Rogen is great, Heigl held her own, and their was even a fantasy baseball scene. I wish I had a personalized ratings system for a movie like this. Ok, fine, I will. I give it 4.5 out of 5 Rubies. I’ve got to figure out what a Ruby looks like so I can create a visual for my rating system, but just know Knocked Up is great and you’ll get more value out of your $11 than if you went and saw Shrek or Johnny Depp.

• The new Patton Oswalt cd is still really good. It opens with a frank discussion of the KFC Famous Bowls, which somehow were considered to be famous just as they were released. I’m starting my own campaign for restaurants to prove the fame of menu items. Times will change under my watch.

• I went to Manhattan Beach on Saturday night to attend a party that coincided with the week of Sully‘s birthday (although I would not call it his birthday party). I drank most of a cup of what tasted like sweetened Drain-O and stood around uncomfortably as familiar Calabasas faces loomed nearby. I almost saw Oliver “Don’t Call me Squanto” Gunanto but left before he arrived. Yes, I gave him that nickname, it was a tennis thing.

• I did nearly 41 pushups today and expect to be wiggling my rippling pectorals in no time. That’s right, ladies.

• No word on KtL in Europe. While I was probably overreacting when I guessed that she had taken up with Richard Krajicek, Sully admitted that he’d be less hurt if KtL started a whirlwind romance with Stefan Edberg. I’m not sure why this is, my guess is Sully just has a soft spot for Scandinavian serve and volleyers.

• In a related story, Sully managed to embarass American tennis even more than the professional men did at Roland Garros, which is saying something.

• The Dodgers haven’t hit a home run since 2003. Thankfully, they got rid of Paul Konerko.

• I don’t really go there all that often, but before Knocked Up, Yackie and I went to The Cheesecake Factory and they had apparently removed my go-to sandwich from the menu. Luckily, my spirits were raised when Yackie tore through a slice of cheesecake like she hadn’t eaten since the last Dodger home run.

• Oh yes, back to the Manhattan Beach non-Sully birthday party. After the party cleared out pretty early, we (Sully, Big Daddy Eisner, future Sully roomate Josh, and I) went to some bar/club that was either very close or very far from the party. It was uneventful, save for the girl who did everything short of procreation with a happily cooperative guy on the dance floor. Seriously, it was difficult for any male within 15 feet to concentrate on anything else for a solid 25 minutes. I tried to bust a move in her general area, but she wasn’t having it. My guess is she knew that she wasn’t ready for this jelly.

I don’t know how this sort of thing begins, but I can go as far as guessing that the guy probably didn’t just go up to her and ask if she would mind dancing on him to the point where her uterus was possibly exposed. I heart clubs.

Time to keep pounding the pecs/go to sleep.

Viernes Bullets

• TV shows are winding down, which means that I can devote more time to the Dodgers as they inevitably will rise to their probable lead in the NL West, then will go completely cold and possibly pull out (barely) the division in September. I’m pretty sure Jason Schmidt served me lunch today, I’m not sure what else he could’ve possibly been doing.

• I didn’t mention it last week, but I’ll lump it in with this week’s episode – Lost has gone and completely redeemed itself a la Lloyd Christmas. Sure, plot points are being added left and right, but I’m ok with that so long as something actually happens. Oh, and there’s no way Locke is going anywhere. After episodes, I usually check a Lost message board to see if there was anything I missed, and if you care, the screen grabs of what Jacob looks like are essentially Locke with hair. Anyway, after this week’s episode, I went online to look and somebody had posted that somebody else correctly wrote out a synopsis of both this week’s episode and the finale a few days before it aired (this week). I couldn’t resist and I read about the finale. I’m a weak, weak man, but it should be a gamechanger.

• The Office had its finale (hr long) last night, and despite what Sully may think and tell you, it was really good. Sully wanted more closure, but I’m not sure he fully gets that shows generally need to finish seasons open-ended. His reaction as the episode ended didn’t really ruin it for me, as I am able to separate the negative from what’s going on on-screen. Ryan in charge of Michael Scott next year will be excellent, and so long as they play everything right with Jim-Pam (Jam? Pim? Pamjim?), the show should remain the best network comedy.

• I’m still working on leftover peanuts from Monday’s game.

• There could possibly be an NBA Eastern Conference playoff game on right now. I’m not the one to ask.

• ESPN Mobile is back in some sort of new incarnation. Yawn.

• What’s the score of the Red Wings game? Heard this on the radio today, pretty funny.

• I’ve got a bunch of pictures from beautiful, scenic West Lafayette that I’ll get up soon. Included are shots of my first/last time eating at a Cracker Barrel. It was good to see the little brother graduate, but he has officially lost food recommendation privileges. The Cracker Barrel reference is a hint.

• I like Lupe Fiasco, partly because I like saying “Lupe Fiasco.”

• Good lunch today with Yosh Jackman. If you’re not using soft Js in your everyday conversations, I’m afraid that you’re so very 2002.

• Big Daddy Eisner fired off some guns yesterday. I’m trying to make a dirty pun out of this, but he really did go to a shooting range after his finals. I’m not sure if this bodes well or not for his grades or for Los Angeles County.

• I saw my new neighbor today. I didn’t talk to him but I already hold a grudge, mostly because nobody will ever replace the possibly ex-KGB guy whose name sounds sort of like “arachnophobia,” so that’s what we called him. I’ll miss him and his crazy, militant Tevas.

I’m gonna go listen to Koufax and have a handful of peanuts. I mean this literally, sorry.

Upfronts Snap Judgements Pt 1: NBC

This is the week where all of the TV networks announce their new shows and the fall schedule. It’s always fun to try to spot the terrible trends, retreads, trainwrecks, sleepers, potential hits, and shows that will be moved around into oblivion.

Today we’ll start with NBC because they have the lowest ratings and and also because they announced their schedule first.

NBC had an atrocious year, no shows in the Top 20, and is now 4th among the networks. Studio 60 stunk and won’t be back, the John Lithgow–Jeffrey Tambor show was terrible and got axed, and they had some show with Jeff Goldblum that appeared to be on for about 37 minutes. I can’t remember anything else that came and left quickly, but I’m sure I’m missing at least 19 shows that suffered the same fate. Let’s go:

Monday

Deal or No Deal: Won’t watch, although a girl from my HS is (or was) one of the girls with the luggage. Still not enough.

Heroes: Will watch. Didn’t think this show was going to be good and then I caught up and it was most excellent.

Journeyman: I probably won’t watch this unless everybody seems to really like it for some reason. It’s a guy who goes back in time to change stuff. Unfortunately, this show isn’t about Arthur Rhodes or Jalen Rose.

Tuesday

The Biggest Loser: I’m generally bored by these shows. I just don’t care about people I don’t losing or gaining weight unless their name rhymes with Marlett Mohansson.

Chuck: This gets an “Eh” from me, maybe just because I hate the tagline, “Computer Geek by day, Government Operative by night.” Feels forced, can’t see myself watching.

Law and Order: SVU: Chris Meloni has a big forehead. I don’t watch this.

Wednesday

Deal or No Deal: Ug. The least NBC could do is try.

Bionic Woman: Ug. See above.

Life: Possibly promising, the lead guy could be good, I hate the tagline, “Life was his sentence. Life is what he got back.” All tagline writers should be immediately executed. I may watch the first couple of these.

Thursday

My Name is Earl: Can’t get into it. A lot of people swear by it, but nothing compels me to watch. Sorry.

30 Rock: Great show, although I think Alec Baldwin isn’t as funny as Tina Fey or the writers and is most likely overrated.

The Office: Funniest show on TV, at least maybe until Curb comes back, which I believe is this fall. There will be 30 episodes next season (5 or 6 more than usual), with 5 being an hour long. Perfect.

Scrubs: I used to really like it. The last couple years have been down and it felt like this year should’ve been the last one. I’ve gotta think it’ll be replaced midseason.

ER: Famous people pretend to be doctors! Yay! I don’t watch this show.

Friday

1 vs 100/The Singing Bee: I don’t know anybody that watches 1 vs 100 or plans to start doing so anytime soon. Midseason, The Singing Bee starts and is a show where people sing popular song lyrics. This could be funny for two and a half episodes.

Las Vegas: I was under the impression that this show hasn’t been on in three years. Woops.

Friday Night Lights: Surely, this excellent show will flourish with such a cush lead-in like Las Vegas. Bleh. Nobody will watch this show at this hour on Fridays. This should (but won’t) begin airing mid-August, when people start caring about football and go straight through January without repeats, but that’d be too logical. I’ll record it and watch, but I can’t imagine it’ll be on past February. RIP.

Saturday

Nothing worth mentioning.

Sunday

Sunday Night Football: aka Football Night in America aka John Madden and his Mighty Telestrator. I’ll be watching. I heart HD football.

More to come.